#this took about an hour and a half in its entirety

[catniplynx]

got autistic about warrior cats and had to make a spreadsheet

clan exclusive prefixes:

thunder (32): bay, briar, bumble, chestnut, cricket, dandelion, elder, flicker, flip, fuzzy, golden, goose, half, larch, long, lynx, moon, mumble, myrtle, pear, rook, rose, seed, snap, soot, spark, stem, sweet, thorn, thrift, thunder, tulip, weed

shadow (45): arch, badger, blaze, blizzard, bluebell, broken, brown, cinnamon, claw, cone, drift, ferret, fir, flax, flint, frond, gull, hope, jump, lavender, light, log, maggot, marigold, newt, nut, olive, pool, puddle, quiet, rat, russet, scorch, shadow, spire, stream, strike, stumpy, swamp, violet, wet, whisper, whorl, wish, yarrow

wind (25): bark, boulder, brook (HOW is that not riverclan??), brush, chive, crouch, dead, down, flail, flutter, furze, gale, heather, hickory, hill, hoot, midge, rye, sheep, slight, stork, stripe, whisker, whistle, woolly

river (27): copper, crooked, curl, cypress, duck, fog, hail, haven, hay, heavy, loud, mallow, minnow, misty, mossy, otter, perch, pike, primrose, river, rush, shimmer, shy, sneeze, soft, swan, vixen, wave

sky (26): bounce, brave, creek, curly, ebony, fin, fallen, fawn, fennel, fidget, fringe, gravel, hatch, kite, lichen, mistle, mottle, nectar, odd, parsley, ridge, root, sandy, sharp, shining, snip

sky again but the daylight warriors in a separate category (5): bella, billy, harry, harvey, riley (31 total with regular skyclan)

notes:

-windclan has the fewest named cats of any clan, being one fewer than skyclan

-to no one's surprise, thunderclan has the absolute fucking most cats

-shadowclan is the only clan to not have a 'robin'

-there are 3 separate seedpelts. all of which are from thunderclan.

-sky and wind are both used as prefixes in clans that aren't their respective clan (skyheart rc & windflight tc)

-surprisingly shadowclan has the most exclusive prefixes! some of these are because of stuff like rat and claw but some of them are cool like gull

possible errors:

to make things easier because i really need to sleep and shouldn't spend 2 hours on a project that is going to gain me nothing but autism points, i just copied the entire list of each clan category on the wiki and put it into a spreadsheet and compared the lists. this means that cats that switched clans, like yellowfang, may appear in multiple clans. where cats switched clans i tried to remember to put them only in their birth clan. there also could be errors in the wiki's categorization that i didn't catch such as cats that do not appear on the list (lioneye, for example, didn't appear on shadowclan's list)

[queer-omens-in-the-archives]

TO ESCAPE AN EMPIRE CHAPTER 5 FULLY DRAFTED REAL NOT CLICKBAIT

[ekingston]

SO HERE IS THE WHOLE STORY (SO FAR).

I am on my knees begging you to reblog this post and to stop reblogging the original ones I sent out yesterday. This is the complete account with all the most recent info; the other one is just sending people down senselessly panicked avenues that no longer lead anywhere.

IN SHORT

Cliff Weitzman, CEO of Speechify and (aspiring?) voice actor, used AI to scrape thousands of popular, finished works off AO3 to list them on his own for-profit website and in his attached app. He did this without getting any kind of permission from the authors of said work or informing AO3. Obviously.

When fandom at large was made aware of his theft and started pushing back, Weitzman issued a non-apology on the original social media posts—using 

his dyslexia; 

his intent to implement a tip-system for the plagiarized authors; and 

a sudden willingness to take down the work of every author who saw my original social media posts and emailed him individually with a ‘valid’ claim,

as reasons we should allow him to continue monetizing fanwork for his own financial gain.

When we less-than-kindly refused, he took down his ‘apologies’ as well as his website (allegedly—it’s possible that our complaints to his web host, the deluge of emails he received or the unanticipated traffic brought it down, since there wasn’t any sort of official statement made about it), and when it came back up several hours later, all of the work formerly listed in the fan fiction category was no longer there. 

THE TAKEAWAYS

1. Cliff Weitzman (aka Ofek Weitzman) is a scumbag with no qualms about taking fanwork without permission, feeding it to AI and monetizing it for his own financial gain; 

2. Fandom can really get things done when it wants to, and 

3. Our fanworks appear to be hidden, but they’re NOT DELETED from Weitzman’s servers, and independently published, original works are still listed without the authors' permission. We need to hold this man responsible for his theft, keep an eye on both his current and future endeavors, and take action immediately when he crosses the line again. 

THE TIMELINE, THE DETAILS, THE SCREENSHOTS (behind the cut)

Sunday night, December 22nd 2024, I noticed an influx in visitors to my fic You & Me & Holiday Wine. When I searched the title online, hoping to find out where they came from, a new listing popped up (third one down, no less):

This listing is still up today, by the way, though now when you follow the link to word-stream, it just brings you to the main site. (Also, to be clear, this was not the cause for the influx of traffic to my fic; word-stream did not link back to the original work anywhere.)

I followed the link to word-stream, where to my horror Y&M&HW was listed in its entirety—though, beyond the first half of the first chapter, behind a paywall—along with a link promising to take me—through an app downloadable on the Apple Store—to an AI-narrated audiobook version. When I searched word-stream itself for my ao3 handle I found both of my multi-chapter fics were listed this way:

Because the tags on my fics (which included genres* and characters, but never the original IPs**) weren’t working, I put ‘Kara Danvers’ into the search bar and discovered that many more supercorp fics (Supergirl TV fandom, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor pairing) were listed.

I went looking online for any mention of word-stream and AI plagiarism (the covers—as well as the ridiculously inflated number of reviews and ratings—made it immediately obvious that AI fuckery was involved), but found almost nothing: only one single Reddit post had been made, and it received (at that time) only a handful of upvotes and no advice. 

I decided to make a tumblr post to bring the supercorp fandom up to speed about the theft. I draw as well as write for fandom and I’ve only ever had to deal with art theft—which has a clear set of steps to take depending on where said art was reposted—and I was at a loss regarding where to start in this situation.

After my post went up I remembered Project Copy Knight, which is worth commending for the work they’ve done to get fic stolen from AO3 taken down from monetized AI 'audiobook’ YouTube accounts. I reached out to @echoekhi, asking if they’d heard of this site and whether they could advise me on how to get our works taken down.

While waiting for a reply I looked into Copy Knight’s methods and decided to contact OTW’s legal department:

And then I went to bed.

By morning, tumblr friends @makicarn and @fazedlight as well as a very helpful tumblr anon had seen my post and done some very productive sleuthing:

@echoekhi had also gotten back to me, advising me, as expected, to contact the OTW. So I decided to sit tight until I got a response from them.

That response came only an hour or so later: 

Which was 100% understandable, but still disappointing—I doubted a handful of individual takedown requests would accomplish much, and I wasn’t eager to share my given name and personal information with Cliff Weitzman himself, which is unavoidable if you want to file a DMCA.

I decided to take it to Reddit, hoping it would gain traction in the wider fanfic community, considering so many fandoms were affected. My Reddit posts (with the updates at the bottom as they were emerging) can be found here and here.

A helpful Reddit user posted a guide on how users could go about filing a DMCA against word-stream here (to wobbly-at-best results)

A different helpful Reddit user signed up to access insight into word-streams pricing. Comment is here.

Smells unbelievably scammy, right? In addition to those audacious prices—though in all fairness any amount of money would be audacious considering every work listed is accessible elsewhere for free—my dyscalculia is screaming silently at the sight of that completely unnecessary amount of intentionally obscured numbers.

Speaking of which! As soon as the post on r/AO3—and, as a result, my original tumblr post—began taking off properly, sometime around 1 pm, jumpscare! A notification that a tumblr account named @cliffweitzman had commented on my post, and I got a bit mad about the gist of his message :

Fortunately he caught plenty of flack in the comments from other users (truly you should check out the comment section, it is extremely gratifying and people are making tremendously good points), in response to which, of course, he first tried to both reiterate and renegotiate his point in a second, longer comment (which I didn’t screenshot in time so I’m sorry for the crappy notification email formatting):

which he then proceeded to also post to Reddit (this is another Reddit user’s screenshot, I didn’t see it at all, the notifications were moving too fast for me to follow by then)

... where he got a roughly equal amount of righteously furious replies. (Check downthread, they're still there, all the way at the bottom.)

After which Cliff went ahead & deleted his messages altogether. 

It’s not entirely clear whether his account was suspended by Reddit soon after or whether he deleted it himself, but considering his tumblr account is still intact, I assume it’s the former. He made a handful of sock puppet accounts to play around with for a while, both on Reddit and Tumblr, only one of which I have a screenshot of, but since they all say roughly the same thing, you’re not missing much:

And then word-stream started throwing a DNS error.

That lasted for a good number of hours, which was unfortunately right around the time that a lot of authors first heard about the situation and started asking me individually how to find out whether their work was stolen too. I do not have that information and I am unclear on the perimeters Weitzman set for his AI scraper, so this is all conjecture: it LOOKS like the fics that were lifted had three things in common:

They were completed works;

They had over several thousand kudos on AO3; and

They were written by authors who had actively posted or updated work over the past year.

If anyone knows more about these perimeters or has info that counters my observation, please let me know!

I finally thought to check/alert evil Twitter during this time, and found out that the news was doing the rounds there already. I made a quick thread summarizing everything that had happened just in case. You can find it here.

I went to Bluesky too, where fandom was doing all the heavy lifting for me already, so I just reskeeted, as you do, and carried on.

Sometime in the very early evening, word-stream went back up—but the fan fiction category was nowhere to be seen. Tentative joy and celebration!***

That’s when several users—the ones who had signed up for accounts to gain intel and had accessed their own fics that way—reported that their work could still be accessed through their history. Relevant Reddit post here.

Sooo—

We’re obviously not done. The fanwork that was stolen by Weitzman may be inaccessible through his website right now, but they aren’t actually gone. And the fact that Weitzman wasn’t willing to get rid of them altogether means he still has plans for them. 

This was my final edit on my Reddit post before turning off notifications, and it's pretty much where my head will be at for at least the foreseeable future:

Please feel free to add info in the comments, make your own posts, take whatever action you want to take to protect your work. I only beg you—seriously, I’m on my knees here—to not give up like I saw a handful of people express the urge to do. Keep sharing your creative work and remain vigilant and stay active to make sure we can continue to do so freely. Visit your favorite fics, and the ones you’ve kept in your ‘marked for later’ lists but never made time to read, and leave kudos, leave comments, support your fandom creatives, celebrate podficcers and support AO3. We created this place and it’s our responsibility to keep it alive and thriving for as long as we possibly can.

Also FUCK generative AI. It has NO place in fandom spaces.

THE 'SMALL' PRINT (some of it in all caps):

*Weitzman knew what he was doing and can NOT claim ignorance. One, it’s pretty basic kindergarten stuff that you don’t steal some other kid’s art project and present it as your own only to act surprised when they protest and then tell the victim that they should have told you sooner that they didn’t want their project stolen. And two, he was very careful never to list the IPs these fanworks were based on, so it’s clear he was at least familiar enough with the legalities to not get himself in hot water with corporate lawyers. Fucking over fans, though, he figured he could get away with that. 

**A note about the AI that Weitzman used to steal our work: it’s even greasier than it looks at first glance. It’s not just the method he used to lift works off AO3 and then regurgitate onto his own website and app. Looking beyond the untold horrors of his AI-generated cover ‘art’, in many cases these covers attempt to depict something from the fics in question that can’t be gleaned from their summaries alone. In addition, my fics (and I assume the others, as well) were listed with generated genres; tags that did not appear anywhere in or on my fic on AO3 and were sometimes scarily accurate and sometimes way off the mark. I remember You & Me & Holiday Wine had ‘found family’ (100% correct, but not tagged by me as such) and I believe The Shape of Soup was listed as, among others, ‘enemies to friends to lovers’ and ‘love triangle’ (both wildly inaccurate). Even worse, not all the fic listed (as authors on Reddit pointed out) came with their original summaries at all. Often the entire summary was AI-generated. All of these things make it very clear that it was an all-encompassing scrape—not only were our fics stolen, they were also fed word-for-word into the AI Weitzman used and then analyzed to suit Weitzman’s needs. This means our work was literally fed to this AI to basically do with whatever its other users want, including (one assumes) text generation. 

***Fan fiction appears to have been made (largely) inaccessible on word-stream at this time, but I’m hearing from several authors that their original, independently published work, which is listed at places like Kindle Unlimited, DOES still appear in word-stream’s search engine. This obviously hurts writers, especially independent ones, who depend on these works for income and, as a rule, don’t have a huge budget or a legal team with oceans of time to fight these battles for them. If you consider yourself an author in the broader sense, beyond merely existing online as a fandom author, beyond concerns that your own work is immediately at risk, DO NOT STOP MAKING NOISE ABOUT THIS.

PLEASE check my later versions of this post via my main page to make sure you have the latest version of this post before you reblog. All the information I’ve been able to gather is in my reblogs below, and it's frustrating to see the old version getting passed around, sending people on wild goose chases.

Thank you all so much!

[lipringlrh]

HE DOESN’T WANT ME WHEN HE’S SOBER PART 2 (LANDO ENDING)

read: part one | logan ending

summary: lando’s your best friend but seems to like you when he’s drunk. but then again, he seems to like everyone when he’s drunk.

pairing: lando norris x gn!reader

wc: 1.8k

Lando wouldn’t admit it to anyone but that night was the worst sleep he’d ever had. He left as soon as he found out you’d left with Lily and Alex, and made his way to your house just to find out you weren’t there. He messaged Alex to get no response and contemplated waiting outside your door until you came back, whether it be days or months, he’d wait for you. But, after almost falling asleep numerous times and getting laughed at by a group of teenagers, he made his way back to his apartment, knowing you’d be looked after.

He was awake almost all night, messaging and calling you and regretting everything in its entirety. He didn’t fully know if you had even seen him kiss the person that resembled you, he only felt it deep down, but even if you hadn’t, he shouldn’t have done it, and he could never apologise enough. He thought of how to explain his thoughts but nothing would suffice; nothing would ever be able to explain how he felt.

At some point in the early hours, he finally drifted off, but awoke not much later to an aggressive banging on his door and a voice screaming at him to hurry up. He wished the voice was you but it wasn’t and he hated it. He rushed to his door, barely having time to pull on some grey joggers before opening it to an angry Alex, very close to breaking the door down.

“Are you stupid?” Alex questioned, fuming, pushing his way into Lando’s house, “I know that you’re in love with her so what are you doing?”

Lando looked like a deer in headlights. He couldn’t explain his actions, he didn’t even want to think about them. All he remembered feeling was grief at watching you walk away, so when he found someone that looked eerily similar, he took the chance to kiss them and create the image in his mind of kissing you. It didn’t last long. He realised too quickly that they didn’t smell like you and the way they kissed wasn’t the same. He hated it, he didn’t want to kiss anyone but you.

“I know, I didn’t mean to-”

“What, you just tripped into her mouth then?” Alex questioned, pushing a finger against Lando’s chest.

“No- no. I don’t know why I did, I really love them I promise. We almost kissed but then they walked away, I was hurt, I didn’t think they wanted me,” Lando almost cried, his voice cracking.

“You do this every time you go out. You kiss her every time you go out and she follows, you don’t get to pull that card. You might be upset but I promise you’re not even feeling half of it,” Alex spat, not caring if he hurt Lando because he hurt you much more.

“Help me apologise. I need to apologise, please Alex, please help,” Lando begged, wanting you to more than anything, “Please Alex, I’ll do anything.”

Alex sighed. At that moment, he hated Lando for what he did, but he’d been wishing for you both to get together since he first saw you both together, making heart eyes at each other. He contemplated in his head whether to help or not. He always envisioned you together but always wanted what's best for you and right now he couldn’t tell if that was Lando or not. But looking at the state of him, red, wet eyes, begging for his help, he wanted to believe Lando regretted everything and would do anything to prove he loved you.

“Okay, but I’m not letting you be forgiven easily, I want you to prove it,” Alex sighed, running his hands over his face. A feeling of simultaneous relief and guilt eating him alive.

Lando promised Alex over and over again, and in between each syllable, promising himself also that he would give you the world in apologies, and whatever happened he deserved it, but even if there was the slimmest chance you could forgive him, Lando would take it and cherish it.

Alex messaged you and you told him it was fine to bring Lando over, as long as he didn’t expect much, and so they turned up less than five minutes later. Alex left you both alone in the kitchen to sit with Lily in the living room after repeating countless times he was a shout away.

You almost broke down just seeing him but managed to keep it in. You didn’t want him to explain, you didn’t care to hear it at the moment, but as soon as Alex left he began spilling out apologies and trying to explain himself, which you quickly shut up.

“I want some space,” you sighed. You wanted Lando close but you wanted everything you felt for him gone first. You couldn’t believe he ever felt the same, not after that.

“Of course, I understand,” his voice broke as he stepped back, trying to show you he would do anything you said.

“Not like that, Lando. I mean it, I don’t think I can see you for a while.”

“Oh-” he said, “When can I see you again?”

“I’m not sure, I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be, this is my fault,” he sighed, clearly upset and looking at the ground, “I’ll go, I’ll see you soon.”

After he left, you broke down crying, debating your decision on if you handled it right. You already missed him, and still loved him, but you also didn’t want to see him. Alex explained the whole morning, and his perspective, giving you hope you could fix it with Lando, especially after Alex’s approval, which you trusted more than anything.

The next few times you saw him were at hangouts with your shared friends. You knew he’d be there as none of your friends would invite him unless you were completely sure you didn’t mind him there. He stayed away, but didn’t make it awkward to the people around you, and always gave you a shy smile when you caught his eye.

He didn’t try to text or call again, despite wanting to more than anything, and instead waited for you to make the first move whenever you were ready. You had missed him more than anything, in both an “I love him” and “he’s my best friend” way, and it was killing you from being away from him, especially after how well he listened to your instructions.

You were at a mutual friend's get-together, a small barbecue in a back garden when you decided it was time. You had been debating texting him but after seeing him, you decided you couldn’t wait.

He was standing alone in a corner beside a flower patch and some grass, drink in hand, and surveying everyone that was there when you walked over. He didn’t know how to greet you and so awkwardly moved his hands between going for a hug or a handshake. You laughed and hugged him, both of you holding on tightly, unhappy to let go.

“I’ve missed you,” you whispered gently, looking down and playing with your fingers, slightly nervous to admit it to him after all this time.

“I’ve missed you too,” he grins, adding on, “So much,” with a quiet whisper.

“How’ve you been?” you asked, trying to make small talk before delving right in.

“Okay, I’ve not really done much. Races have been okay.”

“I saw,” you smiled, “You’ve done really well.”

“You watched?” he questioned, a little surprised. You met his eyes and nodded, explaining how you could never miss one.

“Do you want to talk inside?” you asked, heart pounding as you said it. He nodded immediately, without hesitation, and followed you in through the double glass doors into the kitchen, but only after picking out a daisy from the grass next to him and offering it out to you, causing both of you to grin.

He closed the doors behind you both, blocking out as much other noise as possible, ready for you to begin. “I want to know how you feel about this and about me,” you started, voice shaky.

“I’m sorry, I’m still so sorry. I love you and I want what’s best for you and I can’t even find an excuse, I was being stupid and thinking how you’d never want me. It was all nothing, you’re the only person that’s ever meant anything, I’m so sorry. I will do anything to fix this- anything.”

“Lan,” you let out a breath, “You still want me?”

“More than anything,” he grinned and you stepped forward to reach him, locking your arms around his neck.

Your fingers tangled themselves in his hair as you pull his face down until his lips are almost touching yours. He was smiling so much you thought it might be impossible to kiss him but you pulled him into you anyway, finally kissing him again.

“Stop smiling,” you laughed, pulling away to say it before immediately kissing him again.

“What? Can I not be happy? I’m getting my girl back,” he pulled away, grinning harder, then trying to drag you back in, which was almost successful until you pulled away at the last second.

“I can barely kiss you like this and I’d really, really like to,” you giggled, tugging him back again to enjoy another impatient kiss.

Your hands were running all over his head, completely ruining his hair, but he didn’t care. His hands were wrapped around your waist, holding you impossibly close. When you finally parted he still kept you close, resting his forehead on yours.

“Are you sure you want this?” he questioned, his breath still heavy.

You kissed his cheek and looked straight into his eyes, “More than anything, I promise,” you paused for a moment, “But you’re going to have to grovel to repay all the lost time we’ve had.”

“I’m going to prove to you that I’m all in, that I want this more than I could possibly explain,” Lando promised, meaning every word. He was already planning out exactly what he wanted to do - he knew he had to work to become your official boyfriend, but he would do everything possible for you.

You just stared at him, showcasing the biggest smile you’ve ever had, eyes full of love, knowing you weren’t ever going to let each other go or even risk it again.

“God I love you,” he grinned, ignoring the fact he still hadn’t caught his breath and pulling you into another, more intimate, kiss.

taglist in reblogs

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

The Good Omens Musical Masterpost🎵❤

How it started :)

Some time before 2013: Vicki Larnach, the australian composer and lyricist, read the Good Omens book, imagined figures dancing on stage with brilliant music and thought, ‘Ah, I’m gonna ask Terry Pratchet and Neil Gaiman if I can turn it into a musical.’ and sent an email to the publishers. The next day she got an email saying, ‘We don’t want a musical but Terry’s coming to Australia, so come and say hello and tell us what you got.’

Rob Wilkins came down to meet Vicki and Jim Hare - Vicki's husband and writer - and took them to meet Terry. They spent an hour and a half with them where Terry asked ‘piercing questions’, had tea with them and they showed Terry a song that Vicki wrote (about the Chattering Nuns). Terry said to Rob, ‘Rob, write and email to Neil, “Dear Neil, this is Terry. I’m sitting in front of two hippies from Sydney and they want to make a musical out of Good Omens and I’m tempted to let them do it.”’ which was the best email they ever heard and then Terry said, ‘Okay, you have me curious.’ - it was because of the Nuns song which sounded like the book. ‘I’m gonna give you six months, come back with a first draft libretto and five songs.’

They then sent it to Terry who sent it to Gaiman. Terry said, ‘I really like it, you’re moving story, you’re doing all the right things, but where’s showstopper, where’s the toe-tapper, you know I need people to go to intermission just snapping their fingers with the song they just can’t get out of their head, and I haven’t heard that.’ - and they realized that they were so busy serving the story they forgot to do the wow-factor, but found it very encouraging from Terry that he wanted to make it better.

They went through the whole book again to find a centrepiece - and they found it  when Warlock is growing up and Aziraphale and Crowley are with him, and spent months working just on that one thing and called ‘All Living Things’ [the song at the start of this post :)] which is a line from the book.*’ Terry gave that song to a person he knew and asked him to play it to his wife with no context and when the next day the person said that his wife woke up still singing the song Terry said to Vicki and Jim: ‘Well, that’s what I asked you to do.’ 

* [“This here’s Brother Slug,” the gardener would tell him, “and this tiny little critter is Sister Potato Weevil. Remember, Warlock, as you walk your way through the highways and byways of life’s rich and fulsome path, to have love and reverence for all living things.” “Nanny says that wivving fings is fit onwy to be gwound under my heels, Mr. Fwancis,” said little Warlock, stroking Brother Slug, and then wiping his hand conscientiously on his Kermit the Frog overall.]

Vicki and Jim got the permission to being adapting it as a musical in 2013.

Vicki and Jim on it a couple of years ‘fumbling about’, took it as far as they could and decided to bring another person into it: Jay-James Moody

In 2015, Jay James-Moody joined the collaboration initially as a dramaturge and directorial eye, eventually evolving into co-book writer. Vicki, James and Jay have continued to evolve through countless more revisions and a number of private development readings with the support, time and talent of numerous wonderful Australian performers testing the material.

In November 2017, the musical was presented in its then-current form and entirety for the first time before an audience of over 500 eager attendees. The cast included Luke Joslin, Lachlan O’Brien, Nancye Hayes, Barry Quin, Brett O’Neill, Lauren McKenna, Nicholas Craddock, Paul Capsis, Rob Johnson, Amy Lehpamer, Debora Krizak, Blake Erickson, Nat Jobe, Ana Maria Belo, Jordan Hare, Bella Thomas, Anthony Abrakmanov and Samson Hyland.

Following a rapturous response to this reading it continued to be refined and developed.

In 2019, ten days before the show came out they did their last presentation, since then they’ve been to London and shown a videotape of that workshop to Gaiman and Rob Wilkins which was ‘a pretty heartstopping experience’.

Differences between the musical and the book

The ending of the musical is a bit different.

It opens with the burning of Agnes Nutter and Aziraphale and Crowley are introduced there. 

Act One ends with them ‘essentially breaking up’ because of a huge argument and they dissolve their friendship, Act Two starts with the first time they meet.

The Future?

What is the future for the musical: in 2021 they said that they need to work on some things and then they hope to do another run, initially in Australia.

There will be a CD of the soundtrack available when the show is produced in it’s full version.

In 2024 on insta they said that it is in "complicated process of rights to stage Good Omens" and "We appreciate your support and patience of the progress or seeming lack therof, of Good Omens the musical but we assure you, we will bring you the show in the next few years."

Videos

Vicki, Jim and Jay talking 46min about the musical (this video was shown at the Ineffable Con 3 in 2021 :))

Sizzle Reel 6min

Anathema singing The Perfect Place

Crowley calling Dagon to check on the hellhound

Shadwell and Newt

Aziraphale vanishing Hastur 👀

Links

Webpage

Instagram - a lot of more bts videos and pics :)

How to support?

Subsribe to the instagram page and like and comment that you want the musical on posts :)❤. If you want to be a sponsor or donor, there is contact on their webpage.

[moralesluvr]

ok but being friends w benefits with miguel wouldn’t even work out because you’d fall in love—yes, you’d fall first. but he fell harder, the passionate sex didn’t help either because when when you got on top to ride him for the first time, he lost his shit mid round and threw you off him (and the helped you up of course <3)

this is nothing but facts…like the idea of being fwbs came up at work one day because you noticed he had this pent up steam he could never quite get rid of, plus he was attractive and so were you, no issue there right?

but the first time miguel touched you he was gentle with you, really caring and that shocked you because it was so contrast to his normal demeanor. something about the way he kissed your neck, the way his fingers curled within you, the way his mouth worked skillfully to work inside your tight walls, he was gentle all the way and it started to play on your heartstrings.

the first couple of hookups were solely about you. no matter how much you whined and cried for it, miguel wouldn’t have himself inside of you until he had worked you up to it, because although this was supposed to be just sloppy hookups when the both of you felt like it, he still cared about you, so he didn’t want to just rip you in half quite yet.

“gotta train you for it.” he’d tell you as his tongue lapped at your puffy clit, the same one he’d been toying with for literal hours. and every time you’d think about stopping…he’d grab a tight hold on your thighs, dragging you closer to him.

he knew he couldn’t keep doing this with you when you were completely nude on top of him, pretty cunt swallowing his length in its entirety as his hands took home on your hips. he cocked his head to the side, “okay, you’re g’na—“

you don’t even know what he was going to tell you, but your hands find his shoulders as you lift yourself off of his cock before slamming back down, repeating the motion at a slow, passionate pace, and miguel looked at you through half-lidded eyes, mouth unable to form words at how good you felt around him.

although he wanted so much more. he sunk his claws in the flesh of your hips, making you gasp at the mix of pain and pleasure. he feeds off of your reaction, cock prodding at your deepest spots as he held you steady with one hand, other hand coming to rub your sensitive clit, pussy clenching around miguel’s thick cock tightly as pesky tears soared down your cheeks.

“t-too much.” you whimper out, but his movements don’t cease, hips rutting into your cunt as he whispers, “you take it, slut.”

the degrading nickname makes your mind go blank as you fall into miguel’s chest, arms around his neck as you whispered into his ear, broken sobs accenting your words, “mig- miguel…’m g’na..”

“cum? no, not yet… shit- sweetheart, you’re gonna cum when i say to.”

you whine at that, a thick coil of pleasure bubbling in your lower abdomen as you relish in the feeling of fullness that miguel gives you, eyes fluttering closed as you feel nothing but heat all over you, skin burning with need.

miguel picks up on this and he kisses your check as he fucks into you, “h-hold it…”

it takes you a minute to realize what he wants, but it’s for you to cum with him, and you comply to his request as his thrusts become sloppier, dick twitching inside of you as you let go, his fingers rubbing your clit messily as your juices coat his chest, his own cum shooting inside of you, painting your walls a milky white.

you started to lay limp on top of him but his hands find your waist, tossing you over onto the other side of the bed. you perk up, and look at him with an inquisitive expression, “miguel?”

“sorry, just…” he whispered, “i don’t want to do this anymore.”

you frowned. “w-why? did i do something? i mean, whatever it is i can probably—“

“no.” he cut you off, eyes still boring into the wall, trying his best not to look at you. he looks down at his hands and then sighs, “i think i’m falling in love with you.”

it’s such a shock to you. you watch as he moves over to you, picking you up swiftly as you both sit back on his bed. he pulls you on top of him, chest to chest, forehead to forehead. “i’m sorry— for…um…throwing you off of me. it isn’t you, promise. i just….i don’t like…this feeling.”

“what, you don’t like the idea of having sex with your girlfriend instead of your co-worker who brings you coffee in the morning?” you giggle, and he laughs with you, a small, content laugh.

“no, no…i’m okay with that.”

[seresinhangmanjake]

Rather Be With You

Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader

Summary: Jake has been away for six months and he just hopes you waited for him.

Warnings: cursing. I think that's it.

Notes: this was inspired by an ask (💐) from a bit ago. Sorry it took so long. So much happened in the last week and a half, some good some bad, and it just got on top of me. Writing had to come second. I have probably written better in my life haha, but I tried.

Words: 1972

---

“You know he's only messing with you, right?”

He wasn’t sure how long he’d sat there, hunched forward with his elbows on his knees as he wrung his hands together. Surely it had been a while. For the entirety of the morning, perhaps? Rooster had made his teasing comments at seven a.m. sharp and they were due to dock at noon. Had it been that long? Or had he really managed to shove many hours worth of painful thoughts into just a few short minutes? Somehow, he figured, it was one or the other. No in-between.

When his eyes flicked up, Nat’s face seemed to hint at the former. 

It made sense, he supposed. Spending hours thinking about you wasn’t exactly uncommon. Usually, though, those thoughts were a bit nicer, with you naked and smiling, laughing, or whispering sweet words to him. He liked those better than the ones that had plagued him for…well, however long he’d been sitting there.

“He knows what he said isn’t true,” she continued. “He wouldn’t have had the balls to make jokes like that if he thought they would hold any weight. Trust me, no one particularly enjoys pissing you off.”

He wasn’t pissed off, though. He was devastated at the seeds of doubt planted in his head; at the pain and insecurity that came with the twisted knife to his gut. He hated the images forced into his mind at his friend’s words; the ones of you with other men; the ones that made it terribly clear how little you considered or missed him in his absence. 

“Jake, she waited for you. I know she did.”

“Yea? How?” he asked. 

Phoenix opened her mouth quickly, just as he would have had someone asked him a few hours ago if you loved him like he loved you—ready to confirm with a smile on his face. But if made to think of the answer for more than a half-second, without the hope and giddiness fueling his enthusiasm, he realized he couldn’t actually say for sure if you loved him, just as Nat now could not say with certainty that you had waited for him. 

Her mouth closed. 

"Exactly. You don't know," he said. "It’s not like I was smart enough to ask her to be my girlfriend before we left. She has no obligation to me, so why would she have bothered to wait six months to have me when she could have anyone?"

The brunette shook her head. “I don’t believe she's like that."

Leaning back against the bench and crossing his arms, Jake just barely held himself back from a scoff. "Like what, Nat? That wouldn't make her anything other than a woman who found someone new to sleep with after the guy she was sleeping with disappeared for half a year.”

“But you didn’t—”

“I know I didn't disappear. But I’ve been gone longer than we’d been together," he said, his voice drifting as he imagined what he hadn't stopped to consider before; a nightmare that, if proven true, would cleanly snap his heart in half. "Joke or not, Rooster could very well be right.”

—

"You're overthinking,” Penny’s voice snuck in from your left. 

She reached out to take the beer glass from your hand, polished almost too clean after the twenty minutes you spent absentmindedly running a rag over it. Your mind had been too occupied with troubled thoughts to notice your unceasing drag of the dishtowel around the cylindrical shape of the glass. 

It came free from your hand with ease, and as Penny placed it back on its shelf, you spewed, "What if he hooked up with someone? What if he decided six months was too long to wait for a woman that isn't his girlfriend?” You finally faced her just to find her rolling her eyes. “He likes sex, Penny. A lot. There are plenty of willing women and he's practically insatiable."

"When it comes to you, maybe."

The tenseness in your shoulders from well-formed stress was heavy with your exhale, forcing your shoulders to fall forward and your posture to take a hit. "Penny…" you groaned.

"I'm telling you, there's no way he messed around with anyone,” she swore, leaning back against the bar. "Besides, it's frowned upon to get involved with your coworkers."

"You think that's ever stopped Jake?"

She pursed her lips and tilted her head from side to side as she considered. "Ok, fair enough,” she agreed. “Once upon a time, that definitely wouldn't have stopped him. But after meeting you, he hasn't looked at another woman."

You couldn’t say that provided you with any relief. Jake had always presented as an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ type of man. He wasn’t a worrier. Once something exited his periphery, it promptly left his brain, discarded with all past challenges or predicaments. And wasn’t that what you were? An obstacle? He hadn’t asked you to be his girlfriend for a reason. Holding on to you for more than just the night didn’t necessarily make you more special than any of the other women. Perhaps it simply made you convenient.  

"You don’t know, Penny. You’re not with him 24/7."

Penny muttered something under her breath. Her fingers rose to rub at her temple and when they dropped back to her side, the stare she shot you was imbued with determination. "Look, my bar is where Seresin used to do his "best work," as he liked to say,” she said, and you made a face. "But the only work he's been putting in since he met you has involved getting you to like him and making you happy after you two started your little…thing." 

"You may not pay attention, but I do," she practically scolded. "Now, a month ago you were excited to meet him when he got back, and then you let your thoughts get away from you and it’s fucking everything up." 

To your own shame, you couldn't deny that. So you didn't bother, rather opting to nibble on your thumbnail.

"They'll be back soon, so are you coming with me or not?"

—

He didn’t know what he was doing, standing there with his bag over his shoulder. But he felt like a heavy weight, an anchor in a sea of levity. Looking around, the men and women he’d been packed in with for the last six months were thrilled, the room sprinkled with smiles and laughs of giddiness in anticipation of having their families in their arms again. 

He didn’t have that. 

He wanted to have it, but that was fully reliant on you. Your feelings. Your wants and desires. Your plan for your future. Jake could imagine a world where he had the strength to beg to be a part of your life—to plead as desperately as if fighting for enough air to fill his lungs—but reality made that entirely out of his will and control. So he didn't shove his way forward when they made it home. He couldn't bring himself to jump in front of the others who had people waiting for them upon their return. Instead, he let them file out, his team included, until he was one of the final few to step back on dry, solid land. 

As he walked by couple after couple, family after family, his already weak composure began to crumble at its edges. The people milling around him felt like a mocking montage of the life he didn’t have. Men and women kissing their partners or spouses, hugging their children with no intent of letting go, their tears coating the ground with joy. 

Jake's chest constricted. He needed to get himself on the other side of it, but weaving through the mass of bodies proved harder than he expected. 

His shoulders bumped into theirs, his chest skimming across backs and limbs when he turned to his side to sneak through narrow openings. Little kids ran into his legs like spinning tops on the loose from their wound-up energy finally releasing, though each one quickly recovered and returned to their parents, maintaining the same level of enthusiasm they had prior to smacking face-first into a muscled calf. 

With each unintentional nudge, he apologized, but no one so much as noticed, too engrossed in their relief at making it home unscathed or in seeing their loved ones still intact. Somewhere, his teammates were doing the same. They’d found their partners, and he thought he’d found his, but his overconfidence in your feelings kept him from ensuring you were actually together. And maybe it was too late. Maybe he would have no choice but to watch you move on from him.  

Finally breaking through the edge of the crowd, Jake took his first deep breath. He didn’t look back as he made his way to his truck. He didn’t turn when rushed footsteps grew closer until they sounded as if right on his tail. 

“Jake.”

He paused and sighed. He should’ve known he would imagine your voice. Six months without that lovely sound, his only chance at hearing it being within his dreams, took its toll. It haunted him like a ghost on that ship. Of course it wouldn’t cease just because he was home.

“I was calling you, but you didn’t hear me.” There was a soft chuckle, then, “Well, at least I hope you didn’t hear me.”

He spun on his heel and was greeted with your smile. It lacked its carefree nature, instead just barely failing to conceal a twinge of nerves, but beautiful nonetheless. He couldn’t help but smile back. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked, taking a few steps closer. 

“I came with Penny.” The roundness of your cheeks turned pink from your blush. You lightly shrugged. “I missed you.”

With those words, Jake knew Rooster was deserving of a swift smack upside the head, one he very well may deliver. You cared. You missed him, even. 

Fucking Rooster.

“Oh, I, um,” you continued, your eyes falling down to your hand. “I got you these. It feels silly now, but at the time I thought they would be nice, I guess.”

He followed your line of sight to the small bundle in your hand. Five long stems were tight in your grip, the bulbs on their ends made up of layers of silky red petals. 

"I was thinking," you swallowed hard and met his gaze, "I don't actually know if you like flowers. And if you do, I didn't know your favorite. I just picked mine." The sweet grin that returned to your face practically demanded he kiss you. Your lips, your cheeks, your forehead, your nose. All of you. Every little bit. 

And you weren't wrong. He hadn't had a favorite. 

He did now. 

Jake swallowed through the tightness in his throat, fighting back the stinging in the corners of his eyes. 

He didn't get gifts, and certainly not from the women he was with. But then again, with the exception of you, he hadn't chosen to be with a woman for more than a night or two in the last decade. 

"I like the yellow ones but they symbolize friendship and that wasn't really what I was going for, so I—"

"I love you.”

Your smile, your jaw, your hand, fell. "You…what?"

He let out a chuckle and reached for you. "Come here."

You didn't hesitate sliding your hand into his and he quickly pulled you to him, your chests hitting, lips meeting with an intensity that he hoped expressed even just a lick of how much he missed you. You draped your arms around his shoulders and the petals of the flowers tickled the nape of his neck. 

"Six months was too long," you whispered when you separated. 

He nudged his nose against yours. "Way too long."

---

tags: @wkndwlff @kmc1989 @sagittarius-flowerchild @dempy @oliviah-25 @rosiahills22 @xoxabs88xox @cinderellasmissingshoe @leila22rogers

[darkfluffydragon]

Operation Abundance: About Golden Cheese Cookie

Note: Golden Cheese will be referred to as Aureate, as that is her AU name.

Why would Aureate allow Shadow Milk into her body? She can very well force him out of it, the Light of Abundance is not compatible whatsoever with the weakened Light of Deceit. Yet, he still controls her, using her as a host. Her story isn't all that different either, there is no grand tragedy that leaves her kingdom in an unfixable shamble. Sure, there were more glitches and errors in canon. and a bit more horror, but the conclusion was still the idea of her becoming more greedy, to become more powerful. Enough that she would be able to bring not just their souls, but their dough as well. To bring back her Golden Kingdom in its entirety.

One important detail that did change though was that she didn't follow Gingerbrave and the others, Instead, she told them that she would go to the Vanilla Kingdom later (never getting the closure of seeing her friends again after assuming Pure Vanilla died, and waking up as the only one to try and dig his body out of the Vanilla Kingdom rubble after Dark Enchantress’ bannishment), instead wishing to spend some time with the Cheesebirds she had originally forgotten and neglected for so long. To bathe in the sunlight of her real kingdom.

Then Shadow Milk came and dragged her into the false paradise of her dreams. She would fight, knowing none of the people there had souls, not like her kingdom. That they were not real, not what she desired. Not even when the other ancients were there, not when the dream was far grander, far more perfect than her own reality.

The real reason why she eventually relented, was when Shadow Milk, Charcoal Cheese, would reveal information about the other beasts. Specifically about Burning Spice.

The Souljam of Change. The other half of her Light of Abundance.

...

Surely, it was rightfully hers, was it not? If it had been stripped away from the injured Beast by the witches, then surely, the other half was justifiably, meant to be under her ownership? They had, after all, deemed her worthy of Abundance. Was this not the world giving her a sign? An opportunity, like so many centuries ago when she first found her Souljam? She would take the power, she would become more than simply Abundance, she would become Change. She would return all that had been taken from her, back into the golden sunlight so that her treasure, her temples, her streets, her cookies, they may all bathe in her radiant glory once more.

Having her closest friends there really only made the offer even more enticing...so she took it. She would bide her time, she would wait. And when the moment came, she would make her soul whole.

After all, Aureate had always been a greedy, selfish cookie.

To explain what I meant by her never getting closure, Aureate never got to see Pure Vanilla alive. Sure, she got the message from Gingerbrave, but she never saw him and the others with her own eyes. The last she saw of him was at the hall with Dark Enchantress, and the explosion. Before she would wake up in the ruins, alone. She’d have panicked, thinking that the others had died when in reality, they got separated and woke up at different times. She was the last one, and would start digging through the remains of the vanilla castle trying to find her friends. For hours, perhaps the entire day despite her wounds. She would come across a message left behind by Hollyberry, telling anyone who found it that she was returning to her kingdom. Then a message from Dark Cacao. She would find traces of White Lily’s magic, and she would find Pure Vanilla’s flower staff. The one he never left behind, unless with one of them because he trusted them dearly. That could only mean one thing

‘How could they leave so readily? How could they not even leave a memorial for our Treasure?

How could they leave me?’

They didn’t leave her and Pure Vanilla, they searched as well. They repeated the same cycle she did and had assumed that she, too, perished in that battle. Each grieved and mourned in their own way. They were simply not fortunate…unfortunate? Enough to find the staff.

She would leave the staff behind, a memorial, where the flower would always be able to see the sunrise. And then, she would leave, to find her fallen empire. She never got to properly see Pure Vanilla be alive, nor did she get to have a talk with the others to sort out their misunderstandings. Yet still, in her false dreams, they are what she desired the most.

The staff would also be how Pure Vanilla knew she was alive. Unlike Hollyberry and Dark Cacao, who were still known, had traces of their existence, Golden Cheese vanished. But it hadn’t been Hollyberry or Dark Cacao who placed his staff in such a place in such a fond way. There was only one other person he knew who would do such a thing.

[drdemonprince]

It’s 9:30 am on a Monday, my regularly-scheduled time for a workout. Like always, I pad across the floor of the living room, roll out the yoga mat, arrange the dumbbells, and flip open my laptop to find a follow-along strength training video on YouTube.  The algorithm knows my patterns and proclivities. Populating the first row of content is a perfect encapsulation of my weekday psyche: a thirty-minute shoulders and abs video, a fresh episode of The Bald and the Beautiful to listen to while I complete it, and for relaxing afterward, a 60-minute livestream in which a sweet-faced middle-aged mother named Sammie is repeatedly dropped into a hypnotic trance and made to repeat mantras of obedience and servitude by her loving hypnotist and boyfriend.  I love all the sides of hypnotized Sammie: when she is made to be a giggling maid, and when she dons fuzzy ears and mewls like a cat; when she devotedly calls her hypnotist Master and erases her memories for him, and when she freezes, smilingly, into a happy doll begging to be played with. I’ve watched all of her hours-long livestreams in their entirety, some of them multiple times, her vacant, entranced stares and stiff, robotic movements sending my own body roaring into a satisfied climax, sometimes without even touching myself.  But I am not attracted to Sammie at all. In fact, I’m not at all attracted to women. To the extent that my sexuality involves making contact with other people, I’m a gay man, exclusively interested in other queer men. But to even bother with that distinction confuses things a bit, because ultimately my sexual orientation does not hinge upon people’s identities or bodies. Though I can admire the beauty of all kinds of people, and even feel a handsome man igniting my curiosity at times, ultimately I’m just not really “into” human beings at all. What I’m into is hypnosis. Or mind control, brainwashing, and conditioning, if you like. Hypnosis is the bedrock that holds my psychosexual landscape together; without it any potential engagement in sex slips, and falls apart into nothing. Hypnosis is the anchor that keeps my insatiable libido grounded; without it, any possibility of having satisfying sex floats away, and my mind dissociates from the event as it’s happening.   I’m a deeply sexual person, and I always have been. I discovered masturbation early, at around four or five, and took part in it actively, getting caught a few times as a kid before I learned to sequester into my bedroom for it early in the morning and late at night. Beginning in my teen years, I got into the habit of pleasuring myself for between an hour and a half to two hours per day, and that rate has continued throughout much of my adult life.  And yet, I am also asexual — because as much as my body craves sexual release, and as often as I pursue sex, my drive has no relationship to how other people look, or anything else about them, and my release doesn’t need to involve any specific sexual activities at all.  Hypnosis is sex to me. Even in its most stagey and sterile forms, I find it inescapably erotic — and that leaves sex itself as just some boring party trick. You can touch me, or you can perform a series of backflips in front of me on the floor; either way I’ll tell you that you’ve done a very impressive job and all but it will not make me cum. 

You can read (or listen to!) the full essay for free at drdevonprice.substack.com

[wizardrousactivity]

They Promise. Part I

Next>>>>

Synopsis: After the break up with your two partners, you find out you're pregnant. Causing you to fall into a depression and bankruptcy, a month after you give birth they show up at your door. Pleading for you. CW: Pregnancy, depression, break-ups, reader is fairly young. (early twenties) so [age gap] hurt/comfort It’s been about 10 months since König and Simon had left you, knocked up and depressed. You were breastfeeding your month old while sitting in your kitchen, eating up the last of some spaghetti you made. - everything felt empty, sultry and lazy. Spending most of your time weeping in your room until the baby screamed, rushing over to soothe it whenever you could. You needed to care for this baby, he’s all that you have. Your fingers trace over his small hands, rubbing them softly, it gave you comfort that you had another breathing - living human besides yourself in this house. Kissing his forehead you gently lowered him into the crib, looming over the wooden bed before making your way back to the kitchen. Till you hear a knock at your door, stopping you in your tracks. Staying cautious at who could be there at such an hour, you turn on your heel and peek through the blinds. A man the size of a grizzly bear and another man roughly his height. You can’t recognize the both of them till you see the familiar sniper hood and skull mask. Anger boils in you, a slight pang of guilt whirling in your stomach when you think of them seeing the baby. - Wrapping your hands around the handle, a lump growing in your throat once you open it to meet their eyes. Both of them are almost at their knees when you appear at the door, still the same. So perfect, so pretty for them. But they can’t forget they left you, sad and depressed for the entirety of 10 months.

 - Then suddenly you’re back to the first 5 months, trying to stay content with your situation so as to not stress out. You cried almost every day, rubbing your belly and thinking of what was growing in there. The shock was too much for you, causing you to nap through the day just to escape everything. It took a while to realize that it wasn’t the answer to anything, you accepted the baby. But you couldn’t accept the break-up yet. The sound of Ghost’s voice breaks you out of your thoughts, a deep gruff voice almost full of guilt. “We need to talk.” “What the fuck is there to talk about?” You retort, you were surprised they even came back. Leaving you deserted so coldly, with a baby they didn’t even know about. Tears build up in your eyes, dripping down your face immediately.   "Liebling- please.." König  interrupts, his hand reaching out to rest on your shoulder till you swat it away. Voice weak and dry. "Don't fuckin' touch me!" His heart pangs with guilt, he needed you. They needed you. The months they spent without you were cruel, half of the girls they met only being hookups to fuck and leave. Crack whores showing up at their shared flat almost every week. Everything goes chaotic until the baby begins to shrill, crying out for his mama upon hearing the noise. Cursing under your breath in panic - rushing upstairs to soothe him once again. König  and Ghost follow you upstairs, stopping in their tracks to stare at the tiny child you are holding in your arms. Patting it's back to calm it down. "Y\n?" König  begins to speak, dumbfounded by the baby. "Where did he come from?" You scowl, look at him with utter disgust. "Its my baby. You guys left me when I got pregnant." Memories begin to flood with your first 3 months, throwing up every morning, nobody was there for you. The food was the hardest part, you barely had any money to spare during that time. You still don't. Guilt boils in their stomachs, watching you care for it with such gentleness. Gentleness they'll never experience again, only touch starved and lonely again.

"Can I hold m'?" Ghost asks, making his voice more gentler around the premise of this now sleeping baby - holding his hands out. Swallowing, you hand him the baby. "What's his name?" He says as he gently engulfs the baby, holding it with ease and security.

"____, that's his name." You dryly respond, licking your lips and putting your hands together. He notices your nervous gesture and hands it back to you. Sighing heavily Ghost puts his hands on your shoulders, rubbing circles in them softly with his thumb. The action making warmth grow in your stomach. Finally speaking amongst the silence, your voice comes out deprived and quiet. "You guys know I can't forgive you after..." Your voice comes to a stop, tears beginning to trickle down again.

"We'll prove it to you then, give us some time baby. We promise." König  makes a grunt at that, putting his hand on your jaw and making you look at him. "Sounds good, nicht?"

[haikyuulovercompany]

Permanent Words ~ Akaashi Keiji x Reader

In this world, it's easy to know who is your soulmate, but how you find it, it's a complete surprise. One day you'll speak to someone and the very first words they direct at you will appear on your right wrist. Well... meeting your own soulmate was not only in a very premature moment in your life, but it came with a very awkward price. 'Poor Akaashi Keiji' is a thought you would spend your entire life repeating in your head.

Genre: Fluff. Soulmate!AU High School.

Warnings: None.

Words: 2.1K

Notes: No link to the 'original post' here because I took the premise of the original one and literally changed everything about it.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You were having one of those days where it seemed the universe was on a personal mission to make things worse and worse for you. You had been the chosen joke of whatever superior force ruled the world.

You had stayed up very late into the night since it was a Friday. You had zero plans scheduled for the rest of the weekend and you had found a new television series that had ended two years ago and its six seasons were all available. You would have the entirety of your Saturday for yourself anyway. Or well… you had thought.

What had happened instead was your best friend calling you continuously at nine in the morning, to the point the sole buzzing of the phone successfully woke you up. You were quick to point out the day and the hour, cursing her for running your plans of waking up until after noon and staying in your pajamas for half the day. However, she didn’t apologize.

“Did you seriously forget about the Fukurodani Open Day?” your friend questioned, almost offended.

“That is till next week,” you reminded her, dropping your head back on your pillow hoping you could end the call and try to sleep a couple more hours.

“Uhh, no. It’s today.”

“What? It was till the sixteenth,” you insisted.

“Today is the sixteenth.”

You had blinked twice and removed the phone from your ear to look at the date and time. It turned out your friend was completely right. You gasped and jumped out of bed, showering your friend with apologies. The plan you had made was to get breakfast together and then head to Fukurodani together. Your friend had a crush with a guy from the basketball team. She had seen him a couple months back during a tournament game. She had been there to support his younger cousin and left the place furiously investigating everything about the school and team. As she had landed her eyes on the Open Day event, she had made you promise you would go there with her. And still, you had completely forgotten.

The plan was to go there, find the guy and have your friend talk to him and try to find out if the ‘hello there’ she planned on saying appeared on his right wrist. Neither of you had an indication if he could be ‘the one’, but your friend was so infatuated, she had sworn it was an important lead.

You took a quick shower and rushed to your closet with your hair wrapped in a towel. You didn’t have time to meticulously choose your outfit for the day, so you went for a safe option. Comfortable denim shorts and a flowy t-shirt tucked inside together with your favorite pair of sneakers. You didn’t have time to even put a bit more effort in your appearance, so you relied on your sunscreen and mascara. You always had a lip balm with you and that would have to do. You left your house and rushed through the streets. At that point, you didn’t have time to wait for the bus. You only had your legs and your will to make it up to your friend. But it seemed you couldn’t trust your body either because the tip of your sneaker got stuck on the edge of the sidewalk as you finished crossing the street and fell forward. Thankfully, your left leg managed to keep you steady but your right leg wasn’t so lucky, and so, your right knee met with the harsh concrete and got scraped. You hissed in pain as two older guys tried to check on you. You lifted a hand at them, silently letting them know you were okay. Truth was… you hated being late. You hated being in a hurry. Nothing went well when one was in a hurry and that day was proving it. Your wet hair had managed to wet the back of your t-shirt and you had forgotten your sweater, so now you were kind of cold and with nothing to help. Also, your sneaker had a dirt mark on the front and your knee hurt and was bleeding.

You couldn’t run anymore, but you could hop very fast… and you did that for the next five minutes as the initial recoil on your knee went away and you could properly step on your foot. You still couldn’t pick up the pace, but striding was possible and you kept the rhythm. Instead of meeting your friend at the little diner where you were supposed to have breakfast together, you met her at the entrance of Fukurodani. She had sustained a stony expression on you, trying to emphasize she was still not over you forgetting your plans together, but as soon as her eyes drifted down to your knee, she gasped.

“What happened?”

“My feet betrayed me,” you sighed. “It doesn’t hurt that much anymore.”

“We need to clean it, though. It looks bad.” Your friend suddenly stretched her hand to you, handing you a small paper bag. “Also, got you an egg sandwich.”

You simply raised your arms and dropped them around her in a thankful hug. You could really sit down, go silent for five minutes, and have some food. Tired of waiting, your friend grabbed your arm and you two went inside. You allowed your friend to scan the board where all the activities were written down so you two could finally try to make the fateful encounter happen. Your stomach grumbled, then. The smell of the egg sandwich was alluring and you decided to not wait anymore. While your friend searched for the basketball demonstration, you could start munching down on some breakfast. But life was not done with you yet. As you opened the paper bag, a sturdy body crashed lightly against yours, but with your knee in a weak state, it was all it took for you to lose your balance. With two clumsy steps forward, the paper bag slipped your hands and crashed on the floor. You watched as a stranger who had been mindlessly walking through the hallway kicked it.

That was it. You couldn’t take it anymore. Throwing any patience or manners out the window, you turned to see the guy who had crashed onto you. He was tall with short, messy black hair. He looked worried and was about to speak, but you didn’t let him.

“My egg sandwich, dude,” you snarled, and stomping your feet you went to get your food. You picked up the paper bag and looked inside, afraid of finding it in a complete mess. However, the sandwich had been perfectly wrapped up in aluminum paper. Maybe it would be a little mangled, but everything would be in place and ready for you to eat.

You stood up and found the same guy still staring at you with both eyes wide opened, his right hand lifted. You frowned at him, unfairly taking your anger in what was an obvious accident. As you stepped closer, meditating about apologizing for your attitude or not, you finally saw it. On his wrist, the words ‘my egg sandwich, dude’ were marked like a tattoo.

Your brain registered what that meant in a heartbeat. All the air in you slipped through your lips. The guy in front of you... the one with the same startled expression as yours was your soulmate… and you had forever marked his wrist with the stupidest phrase you had ever uttered in your entire life till that point.

Your soulmate. Right there. In front of you.

In a hurricane of uncomfortable emotions, you covered your face with both hands as a strong, overwhelming wave of heat struck your neck and it painfully crawled up to your ears and cheeks. Your whole face was beyond warm with embarrassment. You heard the steps of someone approaching you and you just knew it wasn’t your friend by the sensation of a tall presence looming over you. Your friend wasn't that tall. By then your friend had most probably taken notice of what was unfolding.

“Pleasure to meet you,” he said, using what you could only describe as the gentlest voice you had heard. And he also smelled nice. It was a mix between mint and soap. Clean and soft.

You couldn’t cover your eyes till he got tired and left. You assume he wouldn’t. Well, if he did, it would be disappointing. Your soulmate couldn’t give up on you… and neither could you. It would be equally horrifying if you decided to ignore him to the point he decided to leave you alone. One couldn’t choose how they were going to meet their soulmate, and yours happened to be a tad unfortunate. Nothing to do about it anymore.

You slowly moved your hands away from your face and lifted your eyes as you felt a tingling on your own right wrist. You finally got a good look at him—he had thin features and was fondly smiling at you. Why wasn’t he annoyed even in the slightest? He would live with a horrible sentence on his skin forever.

You turned your eyes to your wrist, seeing the words ‘Pleasure to meet you’ on it. It was so nice and so polite. It was obvious he had picked his words carefully once realizing the situation, making sure the words meant to be on your skin forever were something good.

He had been cautions enough to say the perfect thing. 

“Uhm, I’m going to go ahead,” your friend said, a cheeky edge on her words. “Don’t leave without me, okay?”

“No, of course not!” you hurriedly assured her. “I’ll text you.”

She gave you a thumbs up and did as she said, leaving you alone with your soulmate—a soulmate you still didn’t know their name.

“Your knee is bleeding,” he said before you could ask for his name. “Let’s get that fixed. Follow me.”

You nodded, holding your stupid egg sandwich against your chest. Your hunger had dimmed but that paper bag was the only thing helping you find stability for the time being. Your legs wobbled with every step you took. You had never been one to feel confident about love—you had even stopped thinking when or how you would find your soulmate, afraid it would take your entire life to do so—and now everything was happening in the snap of a finger, in the quickness of a breath.

He signaled you to wait for him as he approached a table with two older ladies. He pointed at you and continued talking. You were right. He was incredibly polite. His stance didn’t shy away, but just by the way he stood and the tone he used, he was respectful. That was nice. Your mother would like him a lot. Your cheeks burned again at your thoughts. That had to be the next, right? You had to start dating. Or well, maybe you could know each other first. Was it possible to not like your soulmate? You had never thought about it. You felt the urge to take out your phone and quickly search for all those answers but by then, he was already coming back at you with a first-aid kit hanging from one of his hands.

“You can sit there,” he said, pointing at the benches lined up against the walls. Again, you could only nod and obey.

You thought you would sit down and he would maybe sit beside you and hand you what you needed for your knee. Instead, he placed the first-aid kit next to you and he knelt. You panicked, quickly muttering ‘no’ over and over again, motioning with your hands for him to stand up. He completely ignored you and got a gauze and rubbing alcohol, and proceeded to clean your scrape. You slightly hissed at the first touch and he apologized, which you found endearing. The wound was no way his fault and he was being beyond nice for getting on the ground and taking care of it. You could already see yourself gloating to others about the gentleman the universe had chosen for you.

In no time there was no more blood on your skin and you could see the scrape wasn’t as bad as the bleeding had made it seem. It would form a scab for sure, but nothing more.

“Thank you so much…” you said, lingering there for a minute. “I still don’t know your name.”

He smiled as he put the bottle of rubbing alcohol back into the box. “Akaashi Keiji. What’s yours?”

You told him yours and repeated his name a couple times in your head. Your eyes went back to his right wrist and a chuckle escaped you, still in disbelief. “I will have these nice words on me, but, I… I just ruined your wrist forever.”

He took a look himself at his own skin and brushed a thumb over it, pale skin stretching but the words not going anywhere. He smiled again. Or had the smile ever left his face? You couldn't tell.

“No, it will be a funny story to tell,” he calmly stated. You smiled back at him, allowing yourself for the first time to relax around him. 

Needless to say, that egg sandwich was left untouched and forgotten to the side.  

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ♡ Thanks for reading! ♡

[phantasmatoucan]

I WAS TRYING TO PICK WHO IS MY FAVORITE VOICE BUT FAILED MISERABLY... RAMBLINGS UNDER HERE

I CANT FOR THE LIFE OF ME PICK A FAVORITE VOICE THEYRE ALL SO GOOD, EVEN THE 4 ONES I PICKED THAT I LIKED MOST ARE THERE LIKE BY A SMIDGE OF HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM AND CARE THEM

SMITTEN HAS BEEN MY FAVORITE VOICE SINCE BEFORE PRISTINE CUT CAME OUT WHEN I FIRST SAW THE GAME LIKE A YEAR AGO, I JUST LOVE CHARACTERS WHO ARE ASSOCIATED WITH LOVE IN A DETRIMENTAL WAY, HIS CODEPENDANCY WITH THE PRINCESS IS JUST SO GOOD, HE CAN NOT STOP LOVING HER EVEN IF SHE HURTS HIM, MANS BLINDED BY LOVE AND ALSO THE FACT THAT HES SO POWERFUL? LIKE THROUGHT THE POWER OF LOVE HES ABLE TO MANIFEST WHATEVER HE HAS IN MIND EVEN TO THE POINT OF CREATING A PLACE OF HIS OWN ACCORD WITHOUT TLQ'S INFLUENCE [to a point], HE NEEDS THERAPY SEVERLY BUT FOR NOW I WILL HOLD HIM IN PURSE

I ALWAYS HAD A SOFT SPOT FOR BROKEN, NOT BECAUSE OF HOW PATHETIC HE COULD BE SOMETIMES WHICH MOST OF MY FRIENDS FIND KIND OF ANNOYING BUT I MOSTLY THINK ITS FUNNY [also a fair stance i too would fold if a goddess told me to do whatever she tells me] BUT BECAUSE HE COULD BE SO SASSY AND BITTER TOWARDS THE OTHER VOICES WHICH OFTEN MADE ME SO INTERESTED IN HIM, HE WAS BROUGHT UPON BY TLQ BASICALLY GIVING UP ON STANDING UP TO THE PRINCESS OF COURSE HES GONNA LET HER TAKE THE REINGS SINCE TLQ BASICALLY GAVE UP HER POWER OVER HIM TO HER AND WITHT HE PRISTINE CUT HE GOT SO MUCH MORE FOR HIMSELF AS WELL, HIS EMPATHY IS SO POWERFUL THAT HE CAN USE IT TO HIS ADVANTAGE AND FOR BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF THE PRINCESS

I HAVE A THING FOR CHARACTERS WHO TRY TO COVER UP THEMSELVES FOR THEIR OWN PROTECTION AND OPPORTUNIST FITS THE BILL, HES A SURVIVALIST FIRST AND MOST OF ALL, HE WILL DO ANYTHING IN HIS POWER TO SURVIVE BE IT BY GIVING HIS CHOICES TO THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN THE ROOM OR USING WHATEVER CARD HE HAS IN STORE TO ONE UP WHOEVER IS WITH HIM FOR HIS OWN SAFETY, AFTER ALL HE CAN ONLY TRUST HIMSELF TO KEEP HIMSELF SAFE, HE LIKES TO BE PRAISED AND THE ATTENTION AND I THINK HE DOES WANT CONNECTION BE IT THE OTHER VOICES OR THE PRINCESS BUT HE HAS TO PUT UP A FRONT NO MATTER WHAT SO THAT HE CAN ALWAYS HAVE SOMETHING UP HIS SLEEVE, ALSO HIS GRIN IN PRINCESS AND THE DRAGON IS SO GOOD...

PARANOID! I ALWAYS LIKED HIM AND HOW FUNNY HE CAN BE WITH HIS BLUNTNESS, HE ALWAYS IS TRYING TO KEEP TLQ SAFE BUT WITH THAT COMES HIS LACK OF ACTION, AS IN USUALLY DUE TO THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF THE ROUTES HE CANNOT FIND A GOOD OUTCOME OF ANY OF THE CHOICES U HAVE, HE HAS A GOOD GRASP OF HOW THE SITUATION IN THE CONSTRUCT WORKS AKA BELIEVING AND THINKING IN SOMETHING CAN HAPPEN WILL HAPPEN, BUT THAT ALSO COMES WITH CONSEQUENCES OF BELIEVING BAD THINGS CAN HAPPEN DO HAPPEN [the nightmare in its entirety], HES ONE OF THE BEST VOICES IN TERMS OF SURVIVAL THO BUT WHEN IT COMES TO UNDERSTANDING OTHERS LIKE THE PRINCESS HES THE WORST AT SINCE HE ALWAYS WILL PUT HIS SAFETY FIRST AND WONT TRY TO TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH, his stress laugh in the cage is also very cute [heart]

I DONT WANT THIS TO BE TOO LONG SO I WILL SAY WITH THE OTHER VOICES I CARE THEM A LOT, HERO COULD ALSO BE IN THE TIER ABOVE SINCE HES THE BEST BUT HE GOTS HIS FLAWS [his lack of desicion making dont want to get into it this is long enough as is help] BUT FOR NOW THATS THAT

THE NARRATOR MOSTLY MAKES ME SAD SINCE WE SEE SO MUCH ABOUT HIM AND HOW BITTER AND AFRAID HE CAN BE ABOUT TRYING TO SAVE HIS WORLD AND HOW EVEN IF HE DOES HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART OR SOME UNDERSTANDING WITH THE PRINCESS IT WILL NEVER STICK AROUND BECAUSE HES JUST AN ECHO AND HE CAN NEVER GROW FROM THAT

AND THATS ALL I HAVE TALKED LONG ENOUGH THAT THIS TOOK ME LIKE HALF AN HOUR TO WRITE JESUS CHRIST 23ÑLRKMOPR21

[perfectsunlight]

(𝟔𝟒) - 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌: 𝗂𝗇𝗌𝖾𝖼𝗎𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗂𝖾𝗌 (?)

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮

sakura always wondered why she could never do anything to comfort you. 

the first time she met you, she picked up on the way your smile never seemed to reach your eyes. she had always been the observant type, even though her former group loved to paint her as the “oblivious japanese girl.”

but sakura saw through those stereotypes, and she genuinely cared about people's well-being. as she spent more time with you, she noticed the subtle signs that something weighed heavily on your heart. 

it pained her to see you burdened by invisible sorrows.

she tried different approaches to bring you comfort, from kind words to small gestures of affection. sakura would offer a listening ear whenever you spoke, hoping that you’d share your feelings and lighten your load. but deep down, she felt frustrated, wondering why her efforts seemed to fall short.

perhaps it was because she couldn't see the entirety of your pain, the intricate tapestry of emotions that you kept hidden. were you sad because you couldn’t debut under sm? did you miss your old group? or perhaps you were lonely here without friends?

regardless of your reasons for your subtle signs of sadness, sakura yearned to understand you on a deeper level, to unravel the intricacies of your heart. she believed that only then could she offer the comfort you needed.

however she soon realized that you were not lonely. you were simply just heartbroken.

you were carrying the weight of a past relationship that left deep scars on your soul. the older girl realized that your pain stemmed from a love lost, and it wasn't something she could heal with a simple act of comfort.

she knew that heartbreak took time to heal, and it required patience, understanding, and a safe space for you to process your emotions. perhaps that’s why she just let you grieve, giving you the space to let your grief run its course.

sakura knew you weren’t getting any better. you were barely eating, the circles under your eyes telling you were hardly sleeping as well. everything about you was screaming for help, but sakura didn’t know what else to do.

she wasn’t the only one who was feeling the same way either. chaewon was feeling just as worried and concerned.

chaewon always heard your sniffles at the twilight hours and the break of dawn. still to this day she wonders why she never could bring herself to get up and comfort you.

maybe it was because she didn’t know how.

despite being the leader, she was inept in providing emotional support.  

she carried the weight of her own insecurities, feeling inadequate and unsure of how to offer you the solace you desperately needed. it wasn't a reflection of her lack of care or concern, but rather a result of her own limitations and self-doubt.

chaewon often found herself at a loss for words when faced with your pain. she questioned her ability to provide the right kind of support and feared saying the wrong thing, inadvertently causing more harm than good. it weighed heavily on her heart, knowing that you were suffering, but feeling helpless in her own inability to alleviate your pain.

deep down, she cared deeply for you. but chaewon wished she could magically possess the wisdom and comforting presence that would bring you solace. 

she wished she could be even half of the leader eunbi was.

maybe that’s why she and sakura let yunjin do her thing with you? of course, they both did not approve of you and a fellow member sleeping together. it would make things complicated, and there was a huge risk that it would make dynamics weird.

but all that was thrown out the window when they realized that it was working.

chaewon wrestled with conflicting emotions as she witnessed the unexpected but effective approach yunjin took in bringing solace to your life. while she couldn't ignore the potential complications and risks that came with your involvement with a fellow member, she couldn't deny the positive impact it had on your well-being.

she understood that healing and finding comfort often required thinking outside the box and challenging the norms. chaewon and sakura both observed the positive changes in you, the light returning to your eyes, and it gave them a sense of relief. 

they knew that yunjin's presence in your life, while unconventional, provided the comfort and support you needed during this difficult time. you needed jimin, but if yunjin could be a temporary solution, then so be it.

it wasn't about following a set of rules but rather finding what truly worked for you, even if it defied expectations. your well-being and healing were paramount, and if this unorthodox approach brought you solace and happiness, chaewon couldn't help but be grateful for the positive impact it had on your life.

in their support for yunjin's role in your life, chaewon and sakura also embraced the importance of open-mindedness and acceptance. they recognized that relationships could be complex, and they prioritized your happiness and emotional well-being above all else.

you were happy. that’s all that mattered to them.

when you walked inside the dorm, you weren’t expecting to be met with the glaring eyes of chaewon. your leader’s anger issues were a well known feature, but you didn’t know if knowing how upset she was brought you any comfort.

behind her on the couch, sakura sat with her arms folded. the eldest member looked stoic, but you could tell from the twitch in her eyebrow and the emotion in her eyes that she was definitely just as upset as chaewon.

“sit.” 

you never wanted to disappoint sakura or chaewon. they were everything to you when everything meant nothing.

you gave a small nod and slowly moved to sit down on the floor in front of the couch, facing them. silence loomed and the tension was palpable, but you knew this was the consequences of your own actions.

“where were you?”

chaewon's voice was sharp as she demanded an explanation. sakura remained silent, her gaze fixed on you, awaiting your response. the weight of their disappointment pressed down on you, making it difficult to find the right words to explain your absence.

"i'm sorry," you stammered, feeling the heaviness of regret. "i got caught up in something important.”

chaewon's glare intensified, her frustration evident. "important? more important than our rehearsals and commitments? we depend on each other, and your absence affects us all."

sakura's expression softened slightly, but her voice still carried disappointment. "we're a team, and when one member is absent without communication, it jeopardizes us as a whole."

guilt washed over you, knowing that you had let them down. you hated disappointing your unnies. it was something you’d always done your best to avoid.

“i was with jimin.”

your voice was soft, and your head hung slightly. as you mentioned jimin's name, a mix of surprise and curiosity flashed across chaewon and sakura's faces. 

the japanese girl’s thoughtful gaze shifted to you, and you could feel her assessing your demeanor, searching for any hidden emotions or lingering concerns. it was as if she could see through you.

sakura had a way of understanding without needing many words, her intuition guiding her towards a deeper comprehension of the situation at hand. she had seen your remorse and sincerity, but now she was looking for signs of growth and learning.

finally, she spoke up, her voice calm and measured. 

“does yunjin know?”

a small sigh escaped your lips as you thought about the american. you two were not on good terms, and you knew that a conversation with her was needed as well. but for now, you needed to get through this one.

“no.”

sakura's brows furrowed slightly as she processed your response. she exchanged a glance with chaewon, and it was clear they were contemplating the best course of action.

chaewon spoke up, her tone stern yet tinged with concern. "yunjin needs to know. we can't keep this hidden within the group."

your lack of an answer made the room silent. it was obvious that you felt very uncomfortable about this.

the older girl spoke after your silence. she shifted and leaned forward to look at you closer. “you’re back with jimin, aren’t you?”

you hesitated, feeling a mix of vulnerability and apprehension. it was clear that sakura and chaewon had picked up on something, and the truth was difficult to conceal any longer.

with a heavy sigh, you nodded, unable to meet their gaze. the admission hung in the air, the weight of it causing your heart to race. you knew the potential consequences of your decision, the risks it posed to the dynamics within the group. even the oldest members knew that yunjin would not be happy with the news.

sakura's voice was gentle, tinged with concern. "are you sure about this, y/n?” chaewon began pacing back and forth, shaking her head in disapproval.

“why? after everything she did to you, why would you go back?” the leader asked as she looked down at you. you could see the look of disappointment on her face. 

you took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to explain your decision. the memories of the past, the pain and the longing, resurfaced, making it difficult to articulate your emotions clearly. but you still let your truth be told.

"i know it may be hard to understand, but there's something between us, something that's difficult to let go of," you replied, your voice filled with a mix of sadness and determination. “even after all this time, i can’t forget about her.”

sakura's gaze softened, her understanding evident. "it's not always easy to rationalize. but we're concerned about the impact this might have on the group dynamics, especially considering your history with yunjin."

"y/n,”  chaewon's frustration seemed to intensify as she shook her head. “i made a promise to both your sister and myself. i promised to take care of you.”

you met your leader’s gaze, your voice trembling slightly. "i understand your concerns, and i don't take them lightly. but i can't ignore the feelings i have for jimin. it's complicated, and i wish i had all the answers, but i know she’s different now.”

“how do you know that?” her eyes widened as she spoke to you. “how do you know for sure she won’t leave you in shambles like the last time?”

your heart ached at chaewon's questions, the echoes of doubt and fear mirroring your own inner turmoil. you understood where she was coming from, her protective instincts kicking in, but you also believed in the power of growth and change.

"i can't know for sure," you admitted, your voice laced with vulnerability. "but i've seen glimpses of it in jimin, moments where she's shown remorse and a genuine desire to make amends. i can just feel it. things are different this time."

“she ruined you,” chaewon shouted, her voice loud but her tone filled with despair. “i don’t want her to use you the same way…” the leader paused and stopped herself, staring at the ceiling to avoid tears from falling.

sakura poked the inside of her cheek as she looked at your visible confusion, eyes glancing towards chaewon who was now putting her hands over her face out of frustration.

“i don’t want her to use you the same way yunjin did.”

chaewon’s fists clenched as she watched the american exit your room slowly, hair disheveled and hickeys on her neck. 

“yah,” she called out from the dim hallway, trying to get yunjin’s attention. “you need to stop doing this to her.”

yunjin raised an eyebrow at her leader, confusion on her features. “why? she doesn’t want me to stop.”

chaewon took a deep breath, her voice steady as she confronted yunjin. "this isn't just about what she wants in the moment, yunjin. it's about the long-term impact of your actions and the potential consequences they may have on her well-being."

yunjin crossed her arms, a defiant expression on her face. "she's a grown adult who can make her own decisions. if she wants to be with me, who are you to intervene?"

chaewon's gaze hardened, her voice laced with determination. "i'm her leader, and more importantly, yours as well. i care about her happiness and want what's best for her. and right now, i don't believe that what you're doing is in her best interest."

yunjin scoffed, her tone dripping with sarcasm. "oh, and you think you know what's best for her? just because you're the leader doesn't mean you have all the answers."

chaewon's eyes narrowed, her voice firm. "no, i don't have all the answers, but i have a responsibility to look out for the members of this group. and i won't stand by and watch her get hurt again."

you knew chaewon was right. you had always known yunjin’s actions were not what the appeared to be.

huh yunjin liked broken things to stay broken. it made her feel better about herself. it made her feel needed.

“yunjin isn’t jimin.”

as the words slipped from your lips, the room fell into a heavy silence. chaewon and sakura exchanged glances, their expressions a mix of surprise and curiosity. it was clear that your statement held a deeper meaning.

chaewon uncrossed her arms, her eyes remaining on you as she took a seat once again. "what do you mean?"

you took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts. "i think yunjin liked having me attached to her because it made her feel needed. but it always felt like i was indebted to her. jimin is different. she has never asked me for anything until now." you brushed a stray tear away from your eye and continued speaking. “the only thing she’s asking me for now is a second chance, and i’m giving it to her.”

sakura's gaze remained fixed on you, her intuition guiding her understanding. "do you trust that she’s not going to hurt you again?"

you nodded, a sense of conviction settling within you. "yes, that's what i believe. jimin sees the value in my healing, in our healing together. she doesn't want to use me; she just wants to rebuild something healthy and meaningful."

chaewon's eyes softened finally, her voice filled with a mixture of concern still. "look, i just want you to be happy, but i also want to make sure you're making the right choice for yourself.”

you nodded again, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "we've talked about it extensively. we've acknowledged the mistakes of the past. we're willing to put in the work to build a healthy relationship."

sakura's thoughtful expression turned into a gentle smile. "then, if you truly believe in the growth and change within jimin, we'll support you. we'll be there for you every step of the way.”

chaewon's features softened, her gaze filled with a mix of understanding and acceptance. "i may not fully comprehend it right now, but i trust you, y/n. i trust your judgment and your ability to navigate your own path."

“you sound like my sister.” you chuckled softly, slowly rising to your feet. chaewon only gave you a quick smile as she took in the look on your face. you smiled, and she felt just a little bit relieved to see you actually were happy.

you threw your arms around sakura first, mumbling a strand of thank yous to her. the japanese girl chuckled as she patted your back gently.

once you let the oldest girl go, you moved to hug chaewon tightly. she was surprised at the sudden firmness, but it only brought a small smile to her face.

"thank you," you whispered, your voice filled with gratitude. "you’re the best leader ever.”

“you’re the best, eunbi!”

chaewon slowly wrapped her arms around you, ignoring the way her vision became watery. “of course, y/n.” she whispered, taking a glance at sakura, who only sent her a knowing smile. 

perhaps she hadn’t failed you after all?

as she held you in her embrace, a mix of emotions swirled within her. her earlier doubts and feelings of inadequacy now seemed distant as she realized the support and understanding.

the tears that welled up in her eyes were not just those of sadness but also of relief and gratitude.

with a gentle squeeze, chaewon whispered, "i'm sorry if i ever made you doubt my care for you. i'm here for you, and i'll do my best to support you in whatever makes you happy."

sakura's knowing smile widened as she watched the exchange between the two of you. she had seen the doubts and struggles chaewon had carried, the weight of the leader's responsibility often burdening her. she was glad the other girl could see for herself that she was in fact a good leader.

and if she couldn’t see it right then and there, your words definitely did a better job instead.

"you've never failed me, unnie," you murmured, your voice filled with sincerity. "you've been there for me, even when i couldn't see it. i love you."

┊┊┊┊⋆ ✧　 　 · 　 ✧　✵ ┊┊┊☆ *　　 * ⋆ ┊┊★ * ┊┊* . *　✦ ┊☆ ° ✧　 　 · ★*

you and jimin met as trainees before she debuted, and you two never felt more in love. however, once she breaks up with you before her debut, you completely leave SM entertainment under the notion of needing a fresh start. you eventually debuted a few years later in le sserafim, where you met huh yunjin and have slowly started developing feelings for the idol. much to karina's dismay, she hates to see you have moved on, but deep in your own heart, you still can't help but feel as if maybe she has forgotten about you.

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @captivq , @wonyoluvr , @yunalvrrr , @spritin , @babycubchae , @vnschldd , @sserafimez , @chaersly , @rosiehrs , @baldd , @bwljules , @jenaissantesworld , @jennasluma , @dream-chasers-things , @lcv3lies , @elyds , @archerheejin , @vnschldd , @skisk1 , @cfvgbhndun-new-blog , @silantryoo , @phamminji , @bzeus28 , @writingficsblog , @strangegirlcode , @uzumakioden , @noiacha , @sserabey , @archerheejin , @pindoris , @yourstrulytrissmerigold , @jisooftme , @yacii , @ddrummie , @justalittledissociation

[ 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝 ]

[i520u]

star-crossed ✩°｡ ⋆⸜

twenty. different

warnings: mentions of domestic abuse, substance abuse, also it’s a little suggestive if you squint

You spent almost the entirety of the day with Ricky. You’ve visited the downtown, and even spent a couple of hours at the funfair that was in Santa Monica Pier. He wasn’t quite ready to send you back home, which is why the two of you were spending the rest of the night by the beach. You found comfort in the sound of the waves and the wind gently blowing as the two of you enjoyed each other’s companies.

You looked into the distance as you and Ricky talked about things that didn’t seem to matter, but you knew you would remember every little detail for years to come. Little details like how he used to wear braces as a kid, his birthday being on National Strawberry-Picking Day, and things like how many juice boxes he had drank today.

“Are you cold?” He asked, eyeing you. You shook your head, your gaze still remained on the beach waves. It wasn’t a chilly night, so the winds felt like a friendly welcome. “Is something bothering you? Should I send you home?” He asked again, a hint of worry laced between his words.

This time, you darted your eyes to look at the blonde boy. It hasn’t been long since the two of you had started officially dating — maybe it was around 6 days? A week? You wondered why it took you so long to tell him the truth about your feelings, because looking back, it was quite obvious that he felt the same way as you did. Maybe you were just too oblivious and busy asking yourself whether he liked you or not.

Ricky gently grabbed your face, squeezing your cheeks together to bring you out of your own train of thoughts. “Heeeey. Y/N.” He called out, watching your eyebrows furrowing as he continued playing with your cheeks. “Don’t think about anything other than me when we’re together,” he sulked, a small pout forming on his lips. You let out a giggle at the sight of him, giving him a nod as a response. “Sorry.” You added.

Ricky released your face from his hands, he leaned closer to you with one hand on the surface of the sand as support. Your lips parted as your mind tried arranging your words before speaking it out, although your hard work of battling bilingual issues were ruined as he abruptly leaned closer to you to envelope you into a kiss.

His intention was for the kiss to be a quick one, almost like a peck. He just wanted to tease you a little, buy Ricky had overestimated himself. Maybe it was due to the fact that he had been dreaming of this day for so long that each time he plans on giving you a peck on the lips, his plan always backfires.

What was supposed to be a peck turned into a prolonged kiss, his lips gently moving against yours as you matched his rhythm. You could feel the butterflies in your stomach as your hand slowly slid up from his waist to his chest, tracing the outline of his muscles underneath his black top.

Ricky’s free hand made its way to the side of your cheek, holding you gently, and pulling you closer. You could feel him smiling through the kiss after you leaned against his hand like an instinct. He tilted his head to the side so he could kiss you better, his body leaning forward into you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, your hand running through his hair as the kiss was turning heated.

Ricky pulled away for a second to catch his breath, eyeing you down through his half-lidded eyes. He let out a breathless chuckle before leaning in to kiss you again with the same level of intimacy as before, his hand wandering around your body the more the kiss deepened.

You eventually pulled away, your cheeks flushed and your lips swollen from how sensual the kiss turned out to be. Ricky seemed satisfied with himself, a smile plastered on his face as he stared at you.

“You’re pretty like this.” He complimented suddenly, giving you a wink. It only made you blush harder. YOU looked away almost immediately, breaking off the eye contact with him as you felt flustered. “Maybe you should get distracted more often so I could kiss you like that again.” He continued, followed by a soft giggle as he watched how shy you had become after a few teasing from him.

You pushed your body up to stand up from the sand, and Ricky followed suit. “Do you want to go home?” He asked, and you nodded your head, glancing at the time from your phone’s screen. It was getting super late into the night, and you didn’t want to reach home at the crack of dawn.

As the two of you began walking towards Ricky’s car, he didn’t hesitate to put an arm around your waist, keeping you close to him as you made small talk with him about the day, and what you had in plan for the day after.

The drive from the beach to your house was quite a long one, but it wasn’t a problem for Ricky. He didn’t mind even if he had to drive for hours as long as he’d get to spent the entire ride with you. He had one hand on the steering wheel, and the other was gently holding your hand, his fingers intertwined with yours while you softly drew circles on the back of his hand.

“By the way, Y/N,” Ricky paused, waiting for your response. You hummed, signalling for him to continue. “Did you and Yujin get into a fight? When the two of you bumped into each other at school sometimes, he never looked happy.” He asked, you pressed your lips together upon hearing his question as you didn’t think he would’ve noticed. Was it that obvious?

Yujin had been angry with you ever since you told him to stay away from Gyuvin a few days (or a week? You really couldn’t remember how long it has been since it happened) back. You were aware of their friendship, you knew that Gyuvin genuinely adores Yujin like his own brother, but you just couldn’t risk having Yujin around Gyuvin when he’s in that state. You’re okay with Yujin being angry at you and even hating you, as long as he was safe and sound.

Of course a part of you felt bad that you were generalising everyone who struggles with substance abuse to be just like your father, but you really couldn’t find it in you to be empathetic towards Gyuvin — even if he was (is?) your friend. You just couldn’t risk it.

Your mother struggled getting a divorce with your drunkard father and even moved to the other side of the world where the people are different, the cultures are different, and even the language is different just so her children could live freely without fear. You were not going to let that freedom be jeopardised, even if Gyuvin mattered to you a lot too.

Ricky noticed how silent you’ve become, he wondered if he had asked something that was private to you. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” He reassured. If he could give you a kiss on the head, he would. You shook your head almost immediately, “no, no. Sorry, I just got distracted.” You admitted. You inhaled a deep breath before telling Ricky what had happened between you and your brother. How he had went to hang out with Gyuvin, the weird text that Gyuvin sent you, and how you immediately demanded Yujin to go home. You told him basically everything.

“I know I’m being unfair to Gyuvin, it’s not that I don’t trust him. It’s just that I can’t risk leaving Yujin unsupervised with someone who’s not sober.” You sighed, you bit your lower lip as you started second-guessing your decision. “To make things worse, I told our mom about it, and now she doesn’t allow Yujin to see Gyuvin anymore for the time being. He can’t tutor Yujin anymore either, so that’s why he kinda hates me now.” You finished your explanation as you didn’t want to digress.

Ricky hummed in response as he took in everything you had just told him. He knew Gyuvin better than both you and Yujin, so you trusted that he would give a good input. “You did the right thing. Sober Gyuvin wouldn’t have allowed Yujin to be with him either.” His words felt assuring to you, the guilt had honestly been eating you alive for the past few days. Of course you care about Gyuvin, he’s your first friend when you came here. It’s just that Yujin is your priority.

Ricky flashed you a smile as he gave you a quick glance. “You should appreciate Yujin more. He’s clearly still naive. It’s a beautiful thing that doesn’t last long.” You felt yourself relaxing a little more upon hearing what he had said. Ricky was right, you were so busy worrying about Yujin hating you for restricting him from something, you didn’t realise that these were probably one of the few last times Yujin would ever act rashly due to his naivety. You had forgotten that he was still just a kid at heart.

You returned the smile, leaning closer to Ricky to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. The kiss surprised Ricky, his cheeks immediately turning red. “You’re such a good listener,” you told him, followed by a giggle as you watched him all flustered from your compliment. Ricky had a toothy grin, his smile was wide as he couldn’t help but get a little shy from the cute gesture.

With a soft chuckle, he tried to act casual. “Anything for you.”

When you arrived at your front porch, Ricky didn’t actually want to part ways with you. He wasn’t sure what made him so clingy, maybe he just liked being with you so much. “Well, I’ll see you on Monday at school?” You asked him, and he nodded in response. A slight pout evident on his lips as you began to put your belongings back into your handbag.

“Don’t forget your lipgloss,” he mentioned, reaching for the product that was mysteriously left on his side of the car. He wasn’t sure how it ended up there, but he wasn’t going to question it.

You leaned in to him to kiss him on the cheek again, although it didn’t worked out as well as you wanted to as he turned his head to hand you your lipgloss a second before you could kiss him. It ended up being a quick peck on his lips instead, but Ricky didn’t mind it, bringing you in for one more kiss.

He giggled afterwards, handing you the lip product. He waved at you as you began to leave his car. You leaned down to look at him through the window, “drive home safely!” You mouthed. Ricky nodded at your words, giving you an ‘OK’ sign. “Goodnight Y/N!”

masterlist | previous | next

synopsis ↯ in which you are paired up with ricky shen, who fully convinced himself that you purposely became his partner in order to date him.

𖤐 𖦹 ༘⋆⊹ nara’s note: next chapter is the last one + an epilogue I FEEL SOOOO SAD I LOVE THIS SERIES TOO MUCH

🏷️ ; @shiningstar-byulxx @jiaant11 @justemalove @okkomi @jeonghyeonsgf @blaycke @lvieee @softyminhee @starhyeon @rikislady @raeewe @se0ngmins @i-yeseo @aariiil @daydreamer5006 @ahnneyong @jayujus @girlokarina @aerxz @rikimylove @jisunglogy @pleasantgardendetective @mposkyje @ilovechanhee @livelaughlovelicky @igotkpoops @moonlightjungwon @imthewon @wycure @sunoosluvr @dumb-cxm-slxt @partiallyderived @sparklingsjy @jinkiseason @444yizhuo @wave2love @wtfhyuck

[mittysins]

Newt at Home

Includes: Trans mpreg, graphic labor and orgasmic birth

I'm so glad I was able to get this finished! First Mayternity, in the bag. Of course I needed to use Newt for this. I'm so proud that I've actually managed to complete a seasonal art piece. I hope you guys enjoy it!!

[FIND THE UNCENSORED ART ON TWITTER]

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Okay, I'm not going to lie and say I'm not kind of freaked out. I'm standing in the kitchen wearing a loose shirt and a pair of sweatpants, quickly scribbling down the time in my notebook.

10:56 PM. I've been in labor for 10 hours, at least. I couldn't really tell at first, thinking the twinge in my lower abdomen was just Braxton Hicks. I ate my lunch and had a nap without a second thought.

Eventually I realized the pain wasn't going away, in fact it was introducing a new pressure in my hips that I was frankly not a fan of. Okay. So that’s how it is.

I started by emailing my professor. Just a vague mention of a family emergency, and that I was going to need an extension on an upcoming essay.

Continuing on, I sent a quick “baby’s on her way!” to the group chat where my friends were dicking around as they usually did. I laughed at their excited responses as I tapped my pen on the paper. Newest contraction started 43 seconds ago. I was doing just fine.

Then to get down to business. I blessed my past self for having half a mind to have everything ready a month beforehand. Everything I needed was in the bottom drawer of the baby’s dresser. A few old towels, a package of training pads, and settled neatly on top was a pair of sterile clamps and scissors within blue plastic packaging. I felt my heart skip a beat when I opened the drawer to set everything up. This was actually happening.

It was a waiting game from then on. Which is how I ended up here. My contractions are now 4 minutes apart and it's really starting to set in. My chest burns in a weird way, most likely a result of binding for years. I accepted the lung damage a long time ago, and it seems to be making itself well known as my breathing grows increasingly ragged. I can't quite keep my legs together anymore with that ever-present weight on my pelvis. It feels like something is about to give at any second. I assume it’s my water, honestly I figured it would have broken by now. I let out a long sigh as the contraction ends and set down the pen. I sway my hips as I flip through the notebook on the counter in front of me. Written on the first page is the date my pregnancy test was positive as well as a few phone numbers. I can still see a few splotches of faded numbers where my tears had mixed with the ink of my favorite pen. The next few pages were symptoms, weight, my medications including my testosterone gel. Everything medical. I was so scared all those months ago, it almost makes me anxious to look back on those pages. I prefer to look at the middle of the notebook, where I noted when I had gone a week without morning sickness, my first weird craving, the bizarre and vivid dreams I was having. My favorite was the page dedicated to name suggestions. All my friends took turns scribbling down names they liked, laughing and teasing each other as we crossed some out and circled others. It isn't too long before I flip to my current page and glance at my phone.

11:00 on the dot.

I bite my lip and continue my swaying with a firm grip on the counter. It hurts now. That's not to say it didn't hurt before, but now it's getting intense. Each clawing contraction feels like a band being tightened around my entire lower abdomen. It's enough to keep me tensed up with my head bowed for its entirety, until finally, finally, there's that give.

I let out a soft groan as my water breaks. It's not a huge gush like in the movies, more of like a gentle pop followed by a steady stream of fluid that lasts a few seconds. I take a moment to assess my situation. Pants need to come off, obviously, but after that? I couldn't quite decide. I weigh my options as I wattle back to my room and remove my sweatpants, tossing them into a laundry pile I'd designated to this whole ordeal. I could lay in bed with a pillow between my knees and just… wait. I quickly toss that option when I realize how little I've sat still since I even realized I was in labor. A shower sounds nice, the wetness between my legs is less than pleasant and the water on my back would be helpful. I could set up a spot on the couch, just throw down some waterproof pads and a towel or two and labor there, maybe get some last minute work done.

I tense up. Oh, now this is different. I subconsciously bend my knees a little as the contraction reaches its peak. The release of pressure when my water broke was heavenly, but the respite didn't last long. Instead the pressure returned, now bringing with it an intense fullness resting just at the base of my pelvis. I grimace as I feel more fluid trickle between my thighs. Shower it is.

I watch the clock switch to 11:04 as the contraction lets up.

It's a short walk across the hall to get to my bathroom. I realize how sensitive my nipples are when I peel off my shirt. I flush at the sound I make when the fabric drags, sending a jolt down my spine. I'm getting worked up and my heart rate quickens for a moment. I turn the faucet tab and slowly drag myself into the tub, letting the warm water run down my back and legs. For a few moments it feels like routine again. Just me and my baby. No college, no work, no bills, no angry parents. Just me, lowering myself to my knees in the shower, my baby burrowing dangerously low in my pelvis with the next contraction.

It's hard to keep track of time from then on. I'm sort of just zoning out a lot, concentrating closely with each new wave of pain and letting my mind wander in the steeply decreasing downtime. Eventually I’m talking aloud to her, telling her how loved she already is, that she can come on out when she’s ready, that I'm so excited to finally meet her. That I'm ready. My mindless blabbering stops when I feel a very sudden shift.

Before I realize it I'm openly groaning into the air with the gripping contraction. It all just got very real, and I can feel myself becoming frantic. The increase in pressure was maddening, and no amount of shifting and rolling my hips would relieve it. My last contraction was at most a minute ago. I don't have long at all. I decide to push, just the tiniest bit, at the end of the contraction. It's just a little shove, I don't even hold my breath. Just enough to try it out and get a feel for the sensation. If she’s coming, she's coming. If she’s not, what happens? I wait a little longer and try again?

Another timid nudge.

Yeah, she’s definitely coming.

As soon as the contraction lets up I turn off the shower and heave myself out to towel off. I almost want to jump out of my skin I'm so excited. A quick collection of my shirt, phone and towel and I’m waddling back into my room, haphazardly tossing them on my bed. I decide to wait until after the next contraction to climb up onto my bed and really get this show on the road. When I get a look at myself in the full length mirror near my dresser I have a chance to catch my breath. My taught belly has noticeably dropped, basically screaming to the world what was about to happen. I'm flushed and sweaty and my wet hair is still sticking to my forehead. I’m all out of sorts, but I couldn't care one bit what I look like right now. Baby couldn't care less either. That telltale tightening grips me again, and when it begs for me to push along with it, I deepen my stance into a half-squat and bare down.

It almost feels… good? It's a very odd sensation but it feels like such a release to finally get to work with the pressure instead of against it. Two firm pushes in front of the mirror and I decided my bed was there if I needed it. Instead, I swipe a training pad from the package and lay it down on the floor in front of the mirror before stepping onto it. And I wait. At this point I'm so eager to push it’s hard to focus on anything else. I slowly lower myself down to be half kneeling, one foot propped up to let my hips open. I suck in a deep breath, and just like that I'm stuck in a contraction and pushing so hard I see my face go red. Exhale, inhale, push like hell. So it goes.

It only takes a few good pushes to feel something hard and very noticeably large lodged in my birth canal. Between pushes one of my hands dips down and curiously prods at my lips. I don't know what I was expecting to feel, she’s definitely not there yet, but nevertheless I’m a lot more sensitive than usual. I feel perpetually slick now considering I've been leaking little by little for the last hour and a half. But that's not just it. The past twelve hours have been the most in-tune I've ever felt with my body, like we’re finally working towards the same goal of giving birth to my daughter safely and calmly. The excitement and the love mixed with the fullness of her head moving downward almost became ecstasy. One accidental brush to my sensitive clit and I'm shivering. The sudden rush of pleasure triggers a contraction and I weakly push through it. Once the contraction ends my fingers slip into my birth canal. I was disappointed for a moment when I didn't feel anything.

Until I did. About two and a half knuckles deep, there was the hard, slimy ball I had been working down for the past twelve hours.

Oh my fucking god, that’s my baby.

I was awestruck. Just allowing the pads of my middle and ring fingers to press against her head was enough to have me grinning like an idiot.

Returning my hand to its place on my knee, I bore down again with the upcoming contraction. This time a low groan escapes my throat and I find myself leaning forward just the slightest bit. Looking in the mirror, I become fixated on the bulge forming behind my lips. I'm leaking fluid considerably now, and I'm grunting out little pushes when I swear I see a dark sliver start to part my folds. I only saw it for a split second. My hand dips between my legs once more and I press a finger into my lips. Sure enough, just out of sight rests my baby’s head. The quick progress I made surprises me, and I let out a breathy laugh as I trace my fingers back up to my dick. The warm tingling in my belly when I rub a few experimental circles into the swollen nub quickly melts my grunts into soft moans. My breath quickens. I was expecting this to be horribly painful, yet here I am moaning with the next contraction. All I can focus on in the mirror is the sight of my lips parting for my baby’s head. I moan through the stretch of my perineum, letting my pleasure bring me higher as I watch my lips pull out into a teardrop shape.

My rubbing has found a steady pace, and my hips buck a bit. I'm close, I can tell, and I feel the head continue to push my lips open. That burn is starting to set in. Another firm push.

I almost yelp when the head stretches me to a full crown, but I find myself so awestruck by the sight that I fail to make any noise at all. My rubbing continues as there the head stays. The burn is searing. Until finally, the release of my orgasm carries me blissfully as the head surges forward with a gush.

I kneel there for a moment, legs shaking and eyes fluttering, as I process what just happened. The aftershocks distract me through the next contraction, giving me time to gather myself. I can see it in the mirror, my baby’s head hanging out of me as it's supported in my hands. A sob rips from my throat as my fingers wander, feeling her tiny ears and nose.

“Oooh-kaaaaay.” I breathe, shaking off the numb tingly feeling that accompanied my orgasm. My fingers fumble around the baby’s neck, quickly untangling the umbilical cord and pulling over her head.

After lifting myself up to standing, the short few steps that should have been my journey to my bed became a quest. I knew I had no chance of closing my legs at this point, so it's a slow shuffle making my way over with shaky legs and a hand between them to support my baby. Climbing up onto the mattress isn't much easier, but I eventually manage to sit up against my pillows, legs butterflied out. From there I wait.

“Come on, kiddo.” I encourage. “I’m ready, you can come out now.” I wiggle my hips and give a tiny push, trying to get her to turn.

Once she does, I'm all in. My hands find purchase behind my knees and I pull back, red in the face as I push as hard as I can for the shoulders. The way I'm sitting, I don’t even need the mirror to see. I watch as my swollen lips spread around the first shoulder, then the other with a small spurt of fluid, and then-

I barely have time to catch her as with the last push, the rest of the baby spills out with a gush.

“Oh my god-” I sputter out as I lift the infant to my chest. As soon as she touches my skin, she begins wailing. It's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I check her over with wide, misty eyes.

“You are just absolutely perfect, aren't you?”

I giggle at her squirming attempt to get comfortable. So that’s what’s been keeping me up at night.

The ache sets in quickly, and I make quick (quick enough) work of delivering the afterbirth, cutting the cord and making sure we were both cleaned up and warm. Once I'm in a pair of sweatpants and back with her on my bed, I lay her back down on my bare chest, opting for a light blanket to wear cape-style and cover us both. I'm absolutely awestruck.

“Alright, we’ve given your aunts and uncles enough emotional prep time, don't you think?” I say decidedly to the already-sleeping infant as I unlock my phone, quickly finding the “video call” button in the group chat.

I'm grinning like an idiot as three of my friends join the call at lightspeed, the other two following quickly behind.

“Guys, someone wants to meet you!”

[thelureking]

LILIUM'S 2024 GAME LIST:

Welcome, one and all! To the moment you have all not been waiting for: The list I do to remember what games I played and when! As before: This is not a ranking, the games are in order of when I played/finished them. Sometimes I don't have much to say, but that doesn't mean I didn't like it! Sometimes words dont come as easily with some games than with others. Sometimes, even talking about them risks spoilers!

(And it also goes without saying that recommendations are more than welcome)

This year I finally got to use my old Xbox 360 again, so you may see some console games besides the good old steam and ichio indie ones.

Now that the introduction is out of the way! Lets begin!

1) NieR (GESTALT)

 Yes, that's a fishing mini game as the gameplay screenshot. This is the only screenshot that didn't have spoilers, or wasn't from Replicant. I couldn't get a screenshot from my own playthrough. I have failed all of you. 

 Before Automata took over the world, there was Gestalt. Or Replicant, if you were Japanese and had a PS3. In the version I was able to play, you play as a man trying to find a cure for his daughter's illness, all while inhabiting a world under the constant threat of Shades.

 I have not yet looked at all the supplementary material that came out with the Replicant Remake, and I do not know how this game fits into its series, since I can't play Automata and I know nothing about it, so I’ve judged it and interacted with it through its own merits, and everything that was presented in the game itself.

 Gameplay wise, I don't think this game is anything special. If you’ve played an action game or a hack and slash, you know what you are getting into. The rest of the game? The spectacle? Breathtaking. Soundtrack? Amazing. The story…

 Man, the story. What can I even say about it that isn't a spoiler? Well, I can say this much: It is good. Yeah, that's it. I do not want to describe it more, I will not talk about the themes it has and how well executed they are. I will not, because I do not want the story to be spoiled for anyone. It is good, more than good even. 

 Characters, however, I will talk a small amount: Kainé and Emil are my favourites, I love them. I already miss them and by the time of writing this, I beat the game yesterday. Nier (what I chose to name the protagonist) is my favourite caveman of all time, and I never got tired of his banter with Weiss as I dragged him along to do any side quest that appeared in front of me, much to his chagrin.

 I almost lost my mind playing the last half of the game (you may know what I mean if you played it. Lets just say I did three certain things all back to back. On the same day. Yeah I don't know why either). I have never felt more like Sisyphus in my entire life, and I am now concerned for who I was twenty four hours ago as of writing this. 

 Don't be like me, please game responsibly. 

2) Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock

 Listen. I actually beat this game twice. Once on the PS2 when I was like twelve. The other when I was sixteen on the Xbox 360. 

 And now, I’ve beaten it again. “Why, then?” you ask, “Why put it in this list if you’ve already beaten it not once, not twice, but now three times?” Because, my dear poor soul that has chosen to read this list: My Xbox chose to betray me in the most brutal way possible: It ate my save file. That's right: not corrupted, not deleted. ATE. Because such cruelty is not that of an object, but of a beast that breathes and thinks treacherous thoughts.

 So, seeing that show of disrespect, I did what any person of sound mind would have done, and did the entirety of the Career mode. All in one sitting. It hurts to type. 

 And that's why this game is in this list, even if by logic of replays, Bayonetta should be here at least twice in this list, and three times between the other two. Because of WHY I had to replay it. 

(Please game responsibly, I said as this is the next entry. The hypocrisy of it all!)

3) Halo Reach

Listen, I am not a Halo fan. The only Halo game I've played before this one was 3, and I don't think it counts since I played it all in one sitting with my cousin, and we were so sleep deprived it took us a literal hour trying to find the exit of a map. We had to google it. I don't even remember what the game was about. And aside of games, the only contact with anything Halo related I've ever had is Red vs Blue and Guard Duty. So yeah, I hope that makes it clear where I stood when I started playing the game.

I do not have much experience with shooters, at least not any that arent Bioshock, so I cant really say anything about the gameplay that stood out to me. Story wise, I already knew what the game was about and how it ended, that was basically the reason why I even chose to play it in the first place, but knowing how the story would develop didn't take away from the emotional impact of those moments. I think it was a good game, with a good story. I think my main complain is that there were no subtitles, which I found really weird, so I had to have the volume all the way up to be able to listen to anything anyone was saying while the entire chaos was going on. And also, Kat, I love you, but I struggle to understand your accent at times. I am so sorry queen.

4) Contrition

"As a priest, it’s your job to listen to your parishioners’ darkest secrets and absolve their guilt. But when a sinister stranger comes to the confessional one Halloween night, you realize it’s your soul on the line." That is whats stated in the game's description, and I honestly couldn't put it in any other way.

The atmosphere is intense, the build up of tension with every single sentence, every dialogue exchanged between the protagonist and this unknown figure cloaked in anonymity and darkness. It is a fantastic experience, and it accomplished everything it set up to do in such a small amount of time.

5) FNAF: Into The Pit

Listen, I've been into FNAF since the first game came out, I've been in this hellhole long enough to know and remember every theory, every change, and every book release and how they were received. This game is the best adaptation of Into The Pit we could have gotten. And it's good.

This game is about Oswald, a kid that after being left in a pizzeria by his father, chooses to hide inside a decommissioned ball pit, through which he will travel in time to the year 1985, to a location named "Freddy Fazbear's Pizza". You play through five days and nights, constantly shifting between the past and the present, in an effort to save yourself and others. All while avoiding the dangerous creature that followed you home.

I was afraid that the gameplay loop of going back and forth between the present and the past was going to get tiresome, but I am glad to say that it didn't. I think its mostly because you aren't in the present for long, so you don't get a long sense of safety because sooner rather than later you are going back into the pit. And the night sections were perfect in ramping up the tension, having to break out of your own house while trying to escape the thing that took your father's place, and you can never use the same escape plan twice.

The sprite work is some of the best I've ever seen. The level of detail, the fluidity of the animations, both in character sprites and cut-scenes, they are all amazingly done. But what stood out to me the most was the sound design: I need to look at the credits again, because whoever was in charge deserves to be praised from here to eternity. The sounds of ragged breaths and outright animalistic groans coming from the Creature will forever be ingrained in my head! I love it! It really drove home that this thing was not human. Mega Cat Studios really outdid themselves. This was supposed to be a short cartridge game! I'm really glad they went ham with the concept and were able to develop it to this degree.

7) A Date With Death

Well hello there, you handsome reaper. This VN is about the Grim Reaper struggling to claim your soul, and so you both make a bet that if he doesn't manage to do so by the end of the week, you'll claim his soul and keep living. It is your job on these seven days to tease and fluster this man like you are getting paid by the hour. Honestly, the man is after your soul, might as well take his heart!

The dynamic between us the player and the Reaper is really funny, and honestly there are so many moments I could talk about, but I'll let the game speak for itself in that regard if it raises any interest. The writing is gold, the presentation is extremely good, and honestly, I can't wait for that sweet DLC.

UPDATE: I have played the DLC. I need to be put down like a dog.

8) These Heavenly Bodies

On an excavation site, three angel statues are found, and when they are scanned it is revealed that they have preserved bodies within them. The church has decided to investigate further, and you are the priest they assigned this task to.

This is a short yet effective one. The sound design and low resolution visuals affect the atmosphere and tension in a way that I love a lot. Every day that passed, every small change in the hallway leading to the lab, every second scanning those Angel's innards, I could feel a tension inside myself growing, and growing. It really gave the feeling that you were studying something you shouldn't, that that flesh and bone and nerves inside the marble was never supposed to be seen.

Or maybe, it was waiting for one of you to find them. Maybe it was all according to plan.

9) Dialtown: Phone Dating Simulator

Hi, hello there! Have you ever thought that you needed more characters with objects for heads in your life? Me too! Introducing: Dialtown, a phone dating simulator in which you, a green goblin who refuses to integrate into society, needs to find a bachelor/bachelorette to invite to the funfair and experience the most important event of Valentine's Day: laying eggs in a damp, dark hole! Who said romance is dead, huh?

For those who don't know, I love the visuals of putting objects in place of people's heads. I loved it in Clash: Robot Detective, and I loved it here too.

Besides feeling like crack concentrated in the best way possible, the writing is amazing. I absolutely love how you can be giving your narrator an aneurysm about the most absurd of topics, and then have the most moving scene in the entire route. And it doesn't leave me feeling with tonal whiplash! At least of the bad kind! If that makes any sense.

But for real, the writing is phenomenal, and I cant complement it enough. The tone is as balanced at it is erratic, and yet the more heartfelt moments do not feel out of place. I cannot understand how this was done, but I can recognize a talented hand when I see one. Good job, sir Dog! You have mastered an art form that many people *think* they can do, and they fail miserably.

I will also praise the amount of flavour text in the game, the amount of dialogue choices that may not be mandatory to progress the story, but that are there to flesh out the world or just be plain funny. That is something I will always love when its implemented.

I did not manage to get the DLC, but I cant wait to be able to buy it sometime in the future, hopefully.

10) Slay The Princess

You have been tasked to slay the princess, to protect the world from her. You need to slay her, or else.

Now. This is the type of game I love. The ones that cannot exist outside their medium. The ones that look at you dead in the eye and make you feel uncomfortably seen, holding your hand and tearing into your heart as you tear into them. At least, that's how it felt to me.

I don't know how much to talk about it. The game never hides what its going for, and it becomes clear extremely early on, but even so I don't want to spoil people who may want to go into this game completely blind like I managed to do.

What I will say is that there are A LOT of variations for different scenarios, so many I only gave up when I saw how many there were. It is insane. This is a game I would love to gut open and see how it works, it takes so many things into account its unreal. The programming on this must have been such an interesting thing to do.

I actually didn't know the pristine cut was coming out, and I literally found out a month before its release date. But even that wasn't able to take away any enjoyment I felt. Its also something that already happened to me before, when I played Disco Elysium before the Final Cut came out. A real two nickles situation.

Overall, this game is an experience that will grab you and wont let you go even after you finish it. It is intriguing, and captivating. But above all, it is a love story. Never forget that.

11) 3D Workers Island

Made by the creator of Petscop, this simple game tells the story of a screen protector, and how the internet interacts with it. The narrative constructed around this program is filled with thematic elements seen in Tony Domenico's previous works, blurring the line between fiction and reality constantly, to the point where one might struggle to see where one ends and the other begins.

Definitely worth the time, and a second reading too. You may see things you didn't notice before. And watch it all unfold again. That is all you can do.

12) Dead Space (2008)

Man, Issac really became important on his job and it ruined his entire life.

Dead Space is a survival horror game about Issac Clarke, an engineer who suffers from becoming important on his job once he boards the USG Ishimura and finds the crew dead, is split from his coworkers, and twisted abominations crawl through the halls and vents of this sarcophagus, where he'll fight to survive and escape.

I was afraid that the dismembering mechanic was going to be too hard to get used to, but honestly it was the least of my concerns because I was too busy trying to NOT have a heart attack constantly, something this game felt like it set up to do. I did notice once I reached the shooting range minigame that I got way too used to shooting the limbs, so I don't think I should play any other shooter after this one. I might as well just go to the second one straight away before the muscle memory fades. Also, the Plasma Cutter is my best friend of all time and the only weapon I've ever needed in my life.

The USG Ishimura as a setting is unforgettable, and it never had a moment of pure silence, constantly filled with the sound of machinery mixed with the shuffle of the enemies crawling through it. The game did a really good job at communicating how big the ship was, and loved seeing the traces of the people that lived and died there, and not only their corpses, but the recordings, their notes, who was clearly in the known of what was happening and who wasn't, how these conflicts led to their downfall.

The necromorphs are nightmare inducing in design alone, but the way they behave in game is another layer of horror. Their sound design, their movements, hell the way they sometimes blend in with corpses on the floor to get the jump at you! Or when they suddenly pop up from the vents! Or even how they suddenly showed up in the hub areas that I thought were supposed to be safe but apparently not! Because every time I came back to them there was ONE TIME EACH where one of those fuckers was just waiting to attack. I never knew if it was a chance encounter, or a programmed event, but at some point every time I went back to those areas I would be paranoid, because maybe THIS time the enemy would pop up. It did a good job at never letting me feel safe. And don't even get me STARTED on that enemy that refuses to die and I refuse to learn its name out of spite. I thought it was a one chapter thing! But it popped up again once at the end and I honestly think that if I wasn't filled with adrenaline, I would have started sobbing. Literally when it finally died I just had to take a ten minute break because of how hard I was shaking. 10/10, I loved it.

On another note, the level design was outstanding every single time. The spectacle and scale is insane! Every time I was amazed and how bigger each level got in terms of spectacle, but it never sacrificed its horror and suspense, something that I appreciated a lot. Like, you are telling me I get to walk on that asteroid and go to the OUTSIDE of the ship? I think it also helped to make me understand just how massive the ship itself was.

I liked seeing the story unfold, finding out what happened to the crew but most importantly why, and how that develops and affects Issac's struggle for survival. I don't want to say much, and honestly I am STILL processing it, and cant wait to play the second game and seeing how the story continues.

13) Threshold (DEMO)

By the time this list is posted, this game will already be available for purchase. I cannot guarantee that I will be able to play it before then, so the demo is getting included. It is short, but it managed to establish the tone of its setting incredibly well, finishing with a cliffhanger that promises so much more. And I, for one, cant wait to find out where the story will take me.

I am curious of the country based difficulty, and how my country will rank. (I hope its not too hard... oh god, its going to be hard, isn't it?)

14) Mouthwashing

Tragedy struck the Tulpar, and now that is has been crashed into an asteroid, it's crew is trapped inside it with each other, a shipment of mouthwash, and a captain incapable of even providing an answer to a simple question: Why?

Man, what can I say about this game that hasn't been said a thousand times at this point. If you are able to, go through this game blind. Hell, even if you spoil yourself some aspects of the story, you are not ready for the full picture. I sure as hell wasn't.

The artistry in this game is amazing, and even tho I was already familiar with Wrong Organ's previous game, I am happy to see them making a more narrative "clear" project (I do not know how to express this sentiment with other words. If you've played How Fish Is Made, you may understand. Or not). Even if the story takes its own version of obscuring itself, it is incredibly effective.

The amazing cinematography of the scenes, the story unfolding in a non-linear way that is organized in such a way that some questions you didn't know you could have get answered in just the right moment. And the way that it was all always there, you just didn't know where to look. But you'll know they are there on your second playthrough, but that wont change the fact that that's all you can do: look.

(It sure feels like a constant of this year's games, huh)

Just. This is such a good game, I love it.

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So, you may have noticed, that there is no number 6 entry in the above list. Now, this isn't because I suddenly forgot how to count. No. It is because a beast has its claws on my very soul and refuses to let go, no matter how long I've battled it while writing and edition this post.

And that beast is cringe.

So that's why number six is getting added this far down.

Because I am a coward, and ashamed.

So, with that out of the way: Abandon cringe all ye who enter here

6) Swooning Over Stans

First off: The shame I feel is mine and mine alone, because this visual novel was really good. I am the problem.

I love Gravity Falls. I watched it ten years ago, and I can recognize that it awoke three beasts within me: the beast that loves decoding and analyzing and that it shall never be satisfied, the beast that loves doomed sibling relationships, and the beast that loves old men.

Then the Book of Bill came out, and well, all of those beasts awoke at once. And then this VN fed one specific beast. And man, what a meal it was.

This visual novel had everything I wanted. It was funny, and all jokes aside, both routes are really well written. The people behind it had a good grasp on the characters and what makes them so appealing, staying true to their characterization while putting them in this new context.

Also its Alex Hirsch approved, so, what more do you need?

If you made it this far and are interested in more games I've played, you can check out the 2022 and 2023 lists!